I’ve promised to stay strong to always smile to think positively even in a hard times even in a dark days
I’ve promised not to cry not to show that I was fragile not to tell everyone that I was hurt and broken even when I have no reason to smile anymore even when my legs were too weak to stand up
I’ve promised to draw happiness on your face to whisper and scream through my poem just to ease your pain to keep you by my side so, you won’t be alone
I’m not strong enough to hold my tears crying over broken promise something that makes me sorry
Maybe you don’t know that a girl who looks so calm can act wilder beyond your expectation leaving a question “is she the same person?”
Maybe you don’t know that a girl who looks so quiet has the loudest mind like play a loud music with the highest volume
Maybe you don’t know that a girl who you always think as an innocent and naive will not that easy to be conquered cause she can read your mind
Maybe you don’t know that a girl who’s considered as the weakest has the strongest demon inside her once it’s triggered you’d get “the sweetest revenge”
There’s a romance novelist I knew on blogging community
shared her thought and concern about sex and violence scenes in popular romance
stories, especially on platform, like wattpad and fanfiction.net. In her
opinion, that scene is too vulgar and she worried if it’d damage the
youngster’s moral and mentalities, especially underage readers. Okay, I don’t
want to talk about “eastern culture” or “moral and ethic”
here, because the explanation will be longer and kinda risky in rising a heated
argument. But, yeah I know what she feels cause I have the same worries. As a
romance novelist, she regretted the creativity of romance story writers whom
she considered to be limited only to sex and violence scenes.
She also regretted why romance stories with the nuances of
sex and violence became more popular and loved by many people. When she shared
her opinion, one of her friend called her as “moralist” (in a mocking tone).
Moralist (n) is a person who has strong ideas about moral principles, especially one who tells people how they should behave (Oxford Advanved Learner’s Dictionary) I wonder what’s wrong if someone is considered as moralist? Please, tell me if it’s good or bad!
Have Your Own Principles and Idealism
Every writer must have uniqueness and writing style. Our
writing style usually almost similar with the way we talk. If you try to copy
others writing style, even he/she is your role model, your writing seems has no
soul. Because you write like others, not yourself.
Principles and idealism in writing are also important owned by
every writer. My blogger friend
that I’ve told you about at the beginning, has the principle and idealism not to include sex and violence scene in her works (even drugs and alcoholic drinks are shown only
a little as an explanatory, not a major element).
There’s another blogger friend who’s more senior (both age
and experience) , always
including his personal experiences as real examples
of what he wrote. His writings are rich in life wisdom and very characterized
(he’s already three quarters of a century old, so his life experiences are
numerous).
I have principles and idealism in writing, which is not only able to entertain but also educate, both myself and others. I also maintain the principles of simplicity, honesty and sincerity in writing. I don’t want my writing is only about bundle of
words, but also has
meaning and able to touch others heart or make others brain work to think, even though only 1 or 2 people.
Idealism vs Market Taste
An idealist writer often find dilemma between maintain the
idealism or follow the market taste. If you’re an Indonesian, I’m sure you know
how’s the quality of our TV programs today, especially shitnetron (I mean sinetron)
and FTV. I have ever read an article that contained interviews with some
sinetron and FTV script writers. They claimed to the media that their scripts
often have to be revised because the scripts were considered as “too
intelectual” so people will find it difficult to understand.
“People” referred to here is the lower middle class and uneducated
people.
For me, there’re 2 things I want to criticize. First, this
country actually never
lack of smart and creative script writers. But they’re forced to meet market tastes and pursue
ratings, that’s why they’re being forced to sacrifice their principles and
idealism. Secondly, if the target is lower middle class and uneducated people,
can’t they produce entertainment programs with “better
quality” but still
entertaining? “A
better quality” doesn’t mean it must be “too intelectual”. Got the point?
Okay, back to the topic. Honestly, I’m sad yet embarassed to
know how pitiful the readers tastes (and TV viewers) in this +62 country. I’m
sorry, I do not intended to humiliate my country itself. Like a TV programs, can’t romance writers write love stories that aren’t
vulgar but still romantic? Love is universal
language besides music, so, don’t
narrow the meaning of love with such ragged romance stories like that. And love
must not only be shown by sexual desire. Only narrow minded
people who think that sex is the only way to show how you love someone.
Writing love stories that fit in market tastes (applies to
any type and genre of writing) will probably bring more popularity and money. So, should our principles and idealism be
traded with those kind of things?
Have a great
day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.
You always know how to break my heart Even when it was still a plan in your mind I can read it Like I read a book
Sometimes, I wish it were winter in my homeland Cause I would bury the heartbreak under the snow avalanche or I could let it go and freezed by the cold air
I can’t stop you from breaking my heart But, I always have thousand ways to heal You might think that I haven’t done with these old wounds There’s a thing that I never tell you about This feeling was an old sin that had to be massacred through the genocide
Silence wrapped the night Sound of crickets played as the BGM Universe played the elegies in maestoso Before turn into moderato at the dawn; vivace when the sun rises and presto in the midday peak
People might be afraid of silence Ironically, they come and go alone I don’t know whether silence or noise you’d like to choose Cause the noise often neglects you from remembering silence That’s why you’re afraid
Actually, you don’t have to believe those who scared you about silence Cause you can hear everything of vowels and consonants in a perfect harmony and resonance
Birth is the beginning A sign to start our journey Move to the same destination Walking, running or even crawling Choose your way to reach the finish line
Birth is a freedom A sign to make a decision Creating the path to take a step Building the new door If the others are closed You’ll find many questions You have to choose Finding the answers or leaving yourself in confussion?
*) P.S. : I’m back again with poem after a week I didn’t write any poem here. Hope you can get at least “small lesson” from this poem.
Hello, WordPress! I’m back again with the “confession series”. It’s hard enough to find the right time to write in a busy week (yeah, my works are kinda overload this week), but I’ll try my best to come back.
You know, sometimes, our societies today are so judgemental.
They perceive something
just on the surface not the substances. If they see
something “like this” or “like that”, they assume like what
they see. If they hear something “like this” or “like
that”, they assume like what they hear. They don’t try to find what’s the meaning
behind what they see or hear. Therefore, they often trapped in “misleading” information. People who trapped in “misleading
information” can have “wrong
perspective” in figuring the
problems out.
Living in this “judgemental
society” and cruel world,
sometimes makes me insecure about myself. I know, sometimes I’m kinda
overthinking even for an unnecessary thing. When I talk about my overthinking
nature, it can’t be separated with my insecurities. Yeah, I often feel insecure
about many things, especially myself.
“Am I
doing good and right?”
“Do I make
right decission? What if the others don’t like it? Would they be mad at
me?”
“Could I
be helpful to them? Would they like to accept me for who I am?”
Etc.
Honestly, I don’t
need all of eyes are always on me. Because too much
attentions will annoy and stress me out. But, acceptance is important for me
because rejection can break my heart, sometimes.
Insecurities can make me lack of self confidence. It drives
me in negative thinking. Learning
how to act indifferent is important in
this kind of situation rather than focus on what others said about me. Because
what they said about me isn’t always right (there’re some people say the truth
and I appreciate it. some of the others are just treat me like shit and I don’t
care). The other way I often try to relieve my insecurities is self love. Knowing
what’s my weakness and strength is the main key of self love. Instead
of blaming on my weakness, why don’t I try to accept and embrace it?
We can’t please everyone. So,
there’s no urgency to be “people pleaser”. If they like me, thank you. If they don’t like me, I’ll
ignore. They can talk anything behind my back, but, I won’t be affected so easily.
Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy
Okay, you might think that I’m scaredy cat. Well, actually, I’m such a coward since I was child. When I was child, I was afraid of many things. Darkness (till now), chicken (not anymore), cat (now, I’m a cat lovers), mouse (till now), cockroach (not really. as long as it’s not flying), even afraid of blender’s sound (I don’t know what you think. But, now, I think it’s hilarious lol) etc.
My mom ever told me when I was 3 years old, my dad’s friend visited our home to meet him. Because I was too young back then, I couldn’t remember that moment. I couldn’t remember what his friend looked like. Then my mom said that although he looked “scary” from the outside, actually, he’s so kind. But, I was afraid of him. I cried loudly and didn’t want to meet him. I didn’t have an idea why I cried at that time. Was it because he looked scary from the outside? or because of something else? I don’t know.
So, am I really that afraid of meeting new people? How about now? Actually, I’m not that afraid. I think instead of being afraid, it’s more like nervous and awkward. Why? Yeah, I think I’m overthinking about many things, especially meeting new people. I wonder what kind of people they are? what should I tell them? can they accept me? how should I behave and act? can we be friends? can we become close to each other? and so on. So, how do I handle this kind of situation? For me, I’ll take a deep breath , pray hopefully I meet good people and try to think positively. Although I’m nervous and awkward, I have high expectations about the new people I’ll meet (what I mean by ‘expectations’ here aren’t about looks/physical appearances. it’s about personality and behaviour). If he/she doesn’t meet my expectations, honestly, I’ll regret a little. But, I’ll try to understand and be nice to them (as long as they don’t treat me like a shit or mess up with me).
Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.
*) P.S. : I made small challenge for myself to confess my bad traits through writing and publish it. I do not mean to blame on myself. I do not mean to seek the attention and sympathy. I just want to reflect on myself. I want to know what should I change or what change I’ve made. If you want to check my previous post, https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2019/10/06/keep-everything-to-myself-confession-part-3/
Sometimes, I’m kinda jealous of those who are more expressive in their way of speaking and acting. Because it seems like they have no fears about everything. They know the art of “I dont care ’bout shit” and can apply it perfectly.
Sometimes, I’m kinda jealous of those who are more talkative. Because they can lighten up the mood. They never lack something to talk about. That’s why their existences are always be accepted and loved by many people. In every discussion or meeting, they always be heard, even though what they said was non-sense. It’s so contrast to those who are quiet and shy. They are often ignored just because they don’t talk too much and prefer to be a good listeners. We seem more interested to “good speaker” rather than “good listener” because we think that a good speaker is more attractive. Am I wrong?
Yeah, I’m a quiet and shy person. I often feel socially awkward when I have to try to meet and interact with new people. And I’m not a person who can open up and accept new people into my life so easily. Don’t get me wrong! It doesn’t mean I hate them. I just want to know first if those people can make me comfortable around them or not. I just want to know first if those people are kind and trustworthy enough or not. Like I said in my previous post, I’m very sensitive person. Believe it or not, my sensitivity can be so reactive when it comes to “read people”. If I found someone who can make me feel safe and comfortable around, I can be more talkative and expressive in front of them, even though we’re just met for the first time. But, if I couldn’t find someone like that, I can be so quiet, cold and sometimes…afraid of him/her.
So, there’re 3 reasons why I always keep everything to myself. First, because I feel uncomfortable with someone. Second, because I have trouble in finding someone who can be trusted. Third, no one wants to listen and undestand me well.
Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.
*) P.S.: I make small challenge for myself to confess my bad traits through writing and publish it. I do not mean to blame on myself because everyone has their own flaws. I do not mean to seek the attention and sympathy from others because I just want to reflect on myself, so I’ll know what I have to change and what changes I’ve made. If you want to check my previous writing, https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2019/10/05/glass-heart-confession-part-2/
I think it’s my biggest weakness among all weaknesses I have. On the other side, it can be my strength even though people only see it as a weakness. So, I could say that it’s my weakness and strength at the same time. Depends on the situation and condition. But, how come?
Honestly, my heart is so fragile. I’m a sensitive person who’s offended easily. . Just one word or rude behaviour you do, can make me offended (can even be remembered for a lifetime and become a grudge in my heart). I can’t handle when someone treated me so harshly. Destructive critics and rejection can make me stress and frustration. That’s why I often call myself as a “glass-hearted” person because my heart is broken easily like a glass when it’s getting hit. If you’re Indonesian, you can consider it as “baperan”.
But on the other hand, I feel it could be an advantage for me. I became more careful in my words and actions, so it’d not hurt anyone. Because I know how it feels when someone treated you like a shit. I know how it feels when there’s nobody accept who you truly are. With my glass heart, I know how to speak or act to comfort others when they’re up and down.
I realized that my overly sensitive nature was not good for me, especially in social activities and interactions with others. Since I started growing up, I learned to use my logic besides feelings. For me, logic and feelings should complement and balance each other. My overly sensitive nature may be due to lack of using my common sense. I overused my feelings. And to prevent the damage of my over sensitivity, I learn to act indifferent to those who try to mess up with me.
Have a great day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.
*) P.S.: I make small challenge for myself to confess my bad traits through writing and publish it. I do not mean to blame on myself because everyone has their own flaws. I do not mean to seek the attention and sympathy from others because I just want to reflect on myself, so I’ll know what I have to change and what changes I’ve made. If you want to check my previous writing, https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2019/10/04/i-dont-want-to-fall-in-love-easily-confession-part-1/
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