Poem | Broken Promise

photo by Valentin Antonucci on unsplash

I’ve promised to stay strong
to always smile
to think positively
even in a hard times
even in a dark days

I’ve promised not to cry
not to show that I was fragile
not to tell everyone that I was hurt and broken
even when I have no reason to smile anymore
even when my legs were too weak to stand up

I’ve promised to draw happiness on your face
to whisper and scream through my poem
just to ease your pain
to keep you by my side
so, you won’t be alone

I’m not strong enough
to hold my tears
crying over broken promise
something that makes me sorry

Yogyakarta, October 30th, 2019-10.59 p.m.

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Poem | Maybe You Don’t Know

photo by Luizclas from Pexels

Maybe you don’t know
that a girl who looks so calm

can act wilder
beyond your expectation
leaving a question
“is she the same person?”

Maybe you don’t know
that a girl who looks so quiet
has the loudest mind
like play a loud music
with the highest volume

Maybe you don’t know
that a girl who you always think
as an innocent and naive
will not that easy
to be conquered
cause she can read your mind

Maybe you don’t know
that a girl who’s considered
as the weakest
has the strongest demon inside her
once it’s triggered
you’d get “the sweetest revenge”

Yogyakarta, October 29th, 2019-08.26 p.m.

Writer’s Dilemma : Principles and Idealism vs Market Taste

photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexel.com

There’s a romance novelist I knew on blogging community shared her thought and concern about sex and violence scenes in popular romance stories, especially on platform, like wattpad and fanfiction.net. In her opinion, that scene is too vulgar and she worried if it’d damage the youngster’s moral and mentalities, especially underage readers. Okay, I don’t want to talk about “eastern culture” or “moral and ethic” here, because the explanation will be longer and kinda risky in rising a heated argument. But, yeah I know what she feels cause I have the same worries. As a romance novelist, she regretted the creativity of romance story writers whom she considered to be limited only to sex and violence scenes.

She also regretted why romance stories with the nuances of sex and violence became more popular and loved by many people. When she shared her opinion, one of her friend called her as “moralist” (in a mocking tone).

Moralist (n) is a person who has strong ideas about moral principles, especially one who tells people how they should behave
(Oxford Advanved Learner’s Dictionary)
I wonder what’s wrong if someone is considered as moralist? Please, tell me if it’s good or bad!

Have Your Own Principles and Idealism

Every writer must have uniqueness and writing style. Our writing style usually almost similar with the way we talk. If you try to copy others writing style, even he/she is your role model, your writing seems has no soul. Because you write like others, not yourself.

Principles and idealism in writing are also important owned by every writer. My blogger friend that I’ve told you about at the beginning, has the principle and idealism not to include sex and violence scene in her works (even drugs and alcoholic drinks are shown only a little as an explanatory, not a major element).

There’s another blogger friend who’s more senior (both age and experience) , always including his personal experiences as real examples of what he wrote. His writings are rich in life wisdom and very characterized (he’s already three quarters of a century old, so his life experiences are numerous).

I have principles and idealism in writing, which is not only able to entertain but also educate, both myself and others. I also maintain the principles of simplicity, honesty and sincerity in writing. I don’t want my writing is only about bundle of words, but also has meaning and able to touch others heart or make others brain work to think, even though only 1 or 2 people.

Idealism vs Market Taste

An idealist writer often find dilemma between maintain the idealism or follow the market taste. If you’re an Indonesian, I’m sure you know how’s the quality of our TV programs today, especially shitnetron (I mean sinetron) and FTV. I have ever read an article that contained interviews with some sinetron and FTV script writers. They claimed to the media that their scripts often have to be revised because the scripts were considered as “too intelectual” so people will find it difficult to understand. “People” referred to here is the lower middle class and uneducated people.

For me, there’re 2 things I want to criticize. First, this country actually never lack of smart and creative script writers. But they’re forced to meet market tastes and pursue ratings, that’s why they’re being forced to sacrifice their principles and idealism. Secondly, if the target is lower middle class and uneducated people, can’t they produce entertainment programs with “better quality” but still entertaining? “A better quality” doesn’t mean it must be “too intelectual”. Got the point?

Okay, back to the topic. Honestly, I’m sad yet embarassed to know how pitiful the readers tastes (and TV viewers) in this +62 country. I’m sorry, I do not intended to humiliate my country itself. Like a TV programs, can’t romance writers write love stories that aren’t vulgar but still romantic? Love is universal language besides music, so, don’t narrow the meaning of love with such ragged romance stories like that. And love must not only be shown by sexual desire. Only narrow minded people who think that sex is the only way to show how you love someone.

Writing love stories that fit in market tastes (applies to any type and genre of writing) will probably bring more popularity and money. So, should our principles and idealism be traded with those kind of things?

Have a great day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.

Poem | Genocide of Feeling

source by time.com

You always know how to break my heart
Even when it was still a plan in your mind
I can read it
Like I read a book

Sometimes, I wish it were winter in my homeland
Cause I would bury the heartbreak under the snow avalanche
or I could let it go and freezed by the cold air

I can’t stop you from breaking my heart
But, I always have thousand ways to heal
You might think that I haven’t done with these old wounds
There’s a thing that I never tell you about
This feeling was an old sin that had to be massacred through the genocide

Yogyakarta, October 21th, 2019-06.37 p.m.

Poem | Music in the Middle of Silence

photo by Steve Johnson from Pexels

Silence wrapped the night
Sound of crickets played as the BGM
Universe played the elegies in maestoso
Before turn into moderato at the dawn; vivace when the sun rises and presto in the midday peak

People might be afraid of silence
Ironically, they come and go alone
I don’t know whether silence or noise you’d like to choose
Cause the noise often neglects you from remembering silence
That’s why you’re afraid

Actually, you don’t have to believe
those who scared you about silence
Cause you can hear everything
of vowels and consonants
in a perfect harmony and resonance

Yogyakarta, October 20th, 2019-05.53 a.m.

Poem | Birth

image by Rene Asmussen on pexels.com

Birth is the beginning
A sign to start our journey
Move to the same destination
Walking, running or even crawling
Choose your way to reach the finish line

Birth is a freedom
A sign to make a decision
Creating the path to take a step
Building the new door
If the others are closed
You’ll find many questions
You have to choose
Finding the answers or leaving yourself in confussion?

*) P.S. : I’m back again with poem after a week I didn’t write any poem here. Hope you can get at least “small lesson” from this poem.

Insecurities (Confession-Part 5)

photos by Bernard on unsplash.com

Hello, WordPress! I’m back again with the “confession series”. It’s hard enough to find the right time to write in a busy week (yeah, my works are kinda overload this week), but I’ll try my best to come back.

You know, sometimes, our societies today are so judgemental. They perceive something just on the surface not the substances. If they see something “like this” or “like that”, they assume like what they see. If they hear something “like this” or “like that”, they assume like what they hear. They don’t try to find what’s the meaning behind what they see or hear. Therefore, they often trapped in “misleading” information. People who trapped in “misleading information” can have “wrong perspective” in figuring the problems out.

Living in this “judgemental society” and cruel world, sometimes makes me insecure about myself. I know, sometimes I’m kinda overthinking even for an unnecessary thing. When I talk about my overthinking nature, it can’t be separated with my insecurities. Yeah, I often feel insecure about many things, especially myself.

“Am I doing good and right?”

“Do I make right decission? What if the others don’t like it? Would they be mad at me?”

“Could I be helpful to them? Would they like to accept me for who I am?”

Etc.

Honestly, I don’t need all of eyes are always on me. Because too much attentions will annoy and stress me out. But, acceptance is important for me because rejection can break my heart, sometimes.

Insecurities can make me lack of self confidence. It drives me in negative thinking. Learning how to act indifferent is important in this kind of situation rather than focus on what others said about me. Because what they said about me isn’t always right (there’re some people say the truth and I appreciate it. some of the others are just treat me like shit and I don’t care). The other way I often try to relieve my insecurities is self love. Knowing what’s my weakness and strength is the main key of self love. Instead of blaming on my weakness, why don’t I try to accept and embrace it?

We can’t please everyone. So, there’s no urgency to be “people pleaser”. If they like me, thank you. If they don’t like me, I’ll ignore. They can talk anything behind my back, but, I won’t be affected so easily.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy

*) For previous link https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2019/10/08/afraid-of-meeting-new-people-confession-part-4/

Afraid of Meeting New People (Confession-Part 4)

Okay, you might think that I’m scaredy cat. Well, actually, I’m such a coward since I was child. When I was child, I was afraid of many things. Darkness (till now), chicken (not anymore), cat (now, I’m a cat lovers), mouse (till now), cockroach (not really. as long as it’s not flying), even afraid of blender’s sound (I don’t know what you think. But, now, I think it’s hilarious lol) etc.

My mom ever told me when I was 3 years old, my dad’s friend visited our home to meet him. Because I was too young back then, I couldn’t remember that moment. I couldn’t remember what his friend looked like. Then my mom said that although he looked “scary” from the outside, actually, he’s so kind. But, I was afraid of him. I cried loudly and didn’t want to meet him. I didn’t have an idea why I cried at that time. Was it because he looked scary from the outside? or because of something else? I don’t know.

So, am I really that afraid of meeting new people? How about now? Actually, I’m not that afraid. I think instead of being afraid, it’s more like nervous and awkward. Why? Yeah, I think I’m overthinking about many things, especially meeting new people. I wonder what kind of people they are? what should I tell them? can they accept me? how should I behave and act? can we be friends? can we become close to each other? and so on. So, how do I handle this kind of situation? For me, I’ll take a deep breath , pray hopefully I meet good people and try to think positively. Although I’m nervous and awkward, I have high expectations about the new people I’ll meet (what I mean by ‘expectations’ here aren’t about looks/physical appearances. it’s about personality and behaviour). If he/she doesn’t meet my expectations, honestly, I’ll regret a little. But, I’ll try to understand and be nice to them (as long as they don’t treat me like a shit or mess up with me).

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.

*) P.S. : I made small challenge for myself to confess my bad traits through writing and publish it. I do not mean to blame on myself. I do not mean to seek the attention and sympathy. I just want to reflect on myself. I want to know what should I change or what change I’ve made. If you want to check my previous post, https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2019/10/06/keep-everything-to-myself-confession-part-3/

See you on next parts!

Keep Everything to Myself (Confession-Part 3)

source by Ulrike Mai from pixabay.com

Sometimes, I’m kinda jealous of those who are more expressive in their way of speaking and acting. Because it seems like they have no fears about everything. They know the art of “I dont care ’bout shit” and can apply it perfectly.

Sometimes, I’m kinda jealous of those who are more talkative. Because they can lighten up the mood. They never lack something to talk about. That’s why their existences are always be accepted and loved by many people. In every discussion or meeting, they always be heard, even though what they said was non-sense. It’s so contrast to those who are quiet and shy. They are often ignored just because they don’t talk too much and prefer to be a good listeners. We seem more interested to “good speaker” rather than “good listener” because we think that a good speaker is more attractive. Am I wrong?

Yeah, I’m a quiet and shy person. I often feel socially awkward when I have to try to meet and interact with new people. And I’m not a person who can open up and accept new people into my life so easily. Don’t get me wrong! It doesn’t mean I hate them. I just want to know first if those people can make me comfortable around them or not. I just want to know first if those people are kind and trustworthy enough or not. Like I said in my previous post, I’m very sensitive person. Believe it or not, my sensitivity can be so reactive when it comes to “read people”. If I found someone who can make me feel safe and comfortable around, I can be more talkative and expressive in front of them, even though we’re just met for the first time. But, if I couldn’t find someone like that, I can be so quiet, cold and sometimes…afraid of him/her.

So, there’re 3 reasons why I always keep everything to myself. First, because I feel uncomfortable with someone. Second, because I have trouble in finding someone who can be trusted. Third, no one wants to listen and undestand me well.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.

*) P.S.: I make small challenge for myself to confess my bad traits through writing and publish it. I do not mean to blame on myself because everyone has their own flaws. I do not mean to seek the attention and sympathy from others because I just want to reflect on myself, so I’ll know what I have to change and what changes I’ve made. If you want to check my previous writing, https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2019/10/05/glass-heart-confession-part-2/

See you on next parts!

Glass Heart (Confession-Part 2)

source by Marcela Bolivar on pixabay.com

I think it’s my biggest weakness among all weaknesses I have. On the other side, it can be my strength even though people only see it as a weakness. So, I could say that it’s my weakness and strength at the same time. Depends on the situation and condition. But, how come?

Honestly, my heart is so fragile. I’m a sensitive person who’s offended easily. . Just one word or rude behaviour you do, can make me offended (can even be remembered for a lifetime and become a grudge in my heart). I can’t handle when someone treated me so harshly. Destructive critics and rejection can make me stress and frustration. That’s why I often call myself as a “glass-hearted” person because my heart is broken easily like a glass when it’s getting hit. If you’re Indonesian, you can consider it as “baperan”.

But on the other hand, I feel it could be an advantage for me. I became more careful in my words and actions, so it’d not hurt anyone. Because I know how it feels when someone treated you like a shit. I know how it feels when there’s nobody accept who you truly are. With my glass heart, I know how to speak or act to comfort others when they’re up and down.

I realized that my overly sensitive nature was not good for me, especially in social activities and interactions with others. Since I started growing up, I learned to use my logic besides feelings. For me, logic and feelings should complement and balance each other. My overly sensitive nature may be due to lack of using my common sense. I overused my feelings. And to prevent the damage of my over sensitivity, I learn to act indifferent to those who try to mess up with me.

Have a great day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.

*) P.S.: I make small challenge for myself to confess my bad traits through writing and publish it. I do not mean to blame on myself because everyone has their own flaws. I do not mean to seek the attention and sympathy from others because I just want to reflect on myself, so I’ll know what I have to change and what changes I’ve made. If you want to check my previous writing, https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2019/10/04/i-dont-want-to-fall-in-love-easily-confession-part-1/

See you on next parts!