Poem | Maybe You Don’t Know

photo by Luizclas from Pexels

Maybe you don’t know
that a girl who looks so calm

can act wilder
beyond your expectation
leaving a question
“is she the same person?”

Maybe you don’t know
that a girl who looks so quiet
has the loudest mind
like play a loud music
with the highest volume

Maybe you don’t know
that a girl who you always think
as an innocent and naive
will not that easy
to be conquered
cause she can read your mind

Maybe you don’t know
that a girl who’s considered
as the weakest
has the strongest demon inside her
once it’s triggered
you’d get “the sweetest revenge”

Yogyakarta, October 29th, 2019-08.26 p.m.

Insecurities (Confession-Part 5)

photos by Bernard on unsplash.com

Hello, WordPress! I’m back again with the “confession series”. It’s hard enough to find the right time to write in a busy week (yeah, my works are kinda overload this week), but I’ll try my best to come back.

You know, sometimes, our societies today are so judgemental. They perceive something just on the surface not the substances. If they see something “like this” or “like that”, they assume like what they see. If they hear something “like this” or “like that”, they assume like what they hear. They don’t try to find what’s the meaning behind what they see or hear. Therefore, they often trapped in “misleading” information. People who trapped in “misleading information” can have “wrong perspective” in figuring the problems out.

Living in this “judgemental society” and cruel world, sometimes makes me insecure about myself. I know, sometimes I’m kinda overthinking even for an unnecessary thing. When I talk about my overthinking nature, it can’t be separated with my insecurities. Yeah, I often feel insecure about many things, especially myself.

“Am I doing good and right?”

“Do I make right decission? What if the others don’t like it? Would they be mad at me?”

“Could I be helpful to them? Would they like to accept me for who I am?”

Etc.

Honestly, I don’t need all of eyes are always on me. Because too much attentions will annoy and stress me out. But, acceptance is important for me because rejection can break my heart, sometimes.

Insecurities can make me lack of self confidence. It drives me in negative thinking. Learning how to act indifferent is important in this kind of situation rather than focus on what others said about me. Because what they said about me isn’t always right (there’re some people say the truth and I appreciate it. some of the others are just treat me like shit and I don’t care). The other way I often try to relieve my insecurities is self love. Knowing what’s my weakness and strength is the main key of self love. Instead of blaming on my weakness, why don’t I try to accept and embrace it?

We can’t please everyone. So, there’s no urgency to be “people pleaser”. If they like me, thank you. If they don’t like me, I’ll ignore. They can talk anything behind my back, but, I won’t be affected so easily.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy

*) For previous link https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2019/10/08/afraid-of-meeting-new-people-confession-part-4/

Poem | Take Care of My Mind

source by Jared Rice on unsplash.com

Why’d I put too much attention?
Beauty isn’t long lasting
Skin will be aging
Physical strength will be weaker

I can’t stop time
I can’t stop growing old
But, I refuse to be forgetful
My mind can’t stop thinking
Keep working

Memories of the old days
Memories of childhood
when we played together under the sun heat and rain
Memories of teenagers
when I was still naive in understanding what love is
Memories of early 20’s
when I felt that there’s big change in my life

My mind keeps it all
Before being wasted away by forgetting
Time helps to take care of those memories
Old songs and photographs can recall
While a poem helps to take care of my mind

Yogyakarta, September 24th, 2019-08.00 a.m.

*) PS : I’d like to say thank you to you all for reaching 100+ followers on my blog. I won’t go this far without your supports. Thanks for taking your time to read, like or comment on my posts. It means a lot to me. I hope I can do better next time. Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy!

Everyone Deserves Love

source by Ben Kerckx on pixabay.com

Have you ever fallen in love? How do you feel? You’ll feel joy, content and heart racing just to see his/her smile everyday. Every little thing they do seems so cute,sweet and special to you.

Have you ever broken heart? How do you feel? When you’re broken hearted, what you’ll feel is the opposite of how you feel when you fall in love. You can be broken hearted because of break up or one-sided love. But, broken heart can give you many life lessons to be stronger and careful in the future. As long as you can forgive yourself, receive your past and take the lessons with positive mind. Never face a broken heart with self blaming, self harm or suicide.

Actually, broken heart is a risk or “side effect” of falling in love. If you fall in love and even brave enough to confess your feeling to your crush, you have to be ready when he/she give you a disappointing answer. When you decided to be in relationship, you maybe face a break up or you want to take the relationship to another level (read : marriage) in the end. That’s also a risk or “side effect” of getting in relationship.

There’s no standard in defining the meaning of love. If you often hear that music is universal language, there’s one more thing that can be considered as universal language. What is it? Yes, it is love! I believe that love is the best gift from God. He created us with love. He is showering us with love everytime and everywhere. Therefore, humans are “love creatures” so, it’s really normal if they want to love and be loved. Everyone deserves love. No matter who you are. No matter what your life background. Love doesn’t only happen between the two lovers, but also happen between children and parents, between students and teachers, between sisters and brothers, between friends or best friends, between humans and animals and plants, between humans and nature even between humans and God. All of you are precious and deserve love. And don’t forget to always love yourself. Because no one can love you as well as yourself.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.

5 Things I Hate to Hear The Most From People

source : pexels.com

No one likes to be compared. Whether it’s compared to your own siblings or others. But it seems like humans really love to compare the one to another. Comparing A with B, B with C, C with D and so on.

Humans are also very prejudiced. Just because it “looks like that” from the outside, then they are prejudiced based on what they see. They often don’t want to bother to look further and deeper when judging someone/something. Maybe this is what causes many people to get caught up in binary logic. If it’s not true means false, if it’s not black means white etc.

I often hear people say these things to me. I always try to be cool and don’t care about sh*t. But, sometimes it makes me explode and want to throw my hands on their faces. They say and act like they are the people who know me the most.

  1. “You don’t look excited about the things you do”– Okay, maybe I know why people often say that to me. It’s because I have cool, calm and quiet vibes from the outside (it’s so different with my younger sister and brother who has more cheerful, bright and bubbly personality), so I don’t seem to be enthusiastic about doing anything. They often misunderstood me as a person who lack of fighting spirit. In fact, I have passion and fighting spirit to achieve what I want in life. I know what I want and don’t. I know what I can do and can’t. I just don’t express it by telling what I feel to everyone and choose to express it with hard and smart work.
  2. “You don’t work enough” – Just because of the quantity, I considered not trying enough. *sigh* Actually, I’m more concern about quality over quantity when I work on something. Many and good quality, it’s okay. Many but poor quality, it’s useless. This thing also applies in utilizing my time when working. I’m often seen as doing nothing just because I look more relaxed when others are busy. It doesn’t mean I didn’t do anything, but, I just don’t want to waste too much energy. That’s why I always make priority scale on everything I do. I’ll do it from the most important and urgent part first to the most unimportant and not urgent part. Time management plays important role in it.
  3. “You take too much time on thinking/doing/deciding…” – Tbh, sometimes it makes me dilemma, awry and pissed off at the same time. I admit that I’m kinda perfectionist. That’s why I have pretty high standard on something/someone. When there’s an important thing (especially if it’s related to mutual interests), I need to take my time to thinking/doing/deciding it before I make a decision. I just don’t want to harm myself or anyone else. They often blame on me because they thought I was too slow. But, when I made a decision faster, they blame on me for not thinking about it first. They told me that I was too hurry. So, what should I do? What do you want from me?
  4. “You have to speak more. Don’t be quiet!” – I think it’s the hard (if it’s not the hardest) job of being an introvert. (Any introvert here? Can you relate to this kind of situation?). I’m not a person who’s easy to open up myself to others especially new people I’ve just met for the first time. Why? Because I need time to observe and judge whether he/she’s good or bad person? Can he/she makes me comfortable around him/her or not? I’m so bad (read : can’t) at chit-chatting. I prefer to be quiet and be a good listener when people around me start talking about the hottest celebrity’s gossip of this week, promos and discounts at the nearest mall, makeup and clothing style of other friends or gossip about friends who have just dated or broken up with someone. Honestly, I don’t care about other’s private life because it’s not my business. And I hate gossiping others. But, I can be talkative when people talk to me about social issues, mental health, music, art etc that attracts my attention and interests. So, I hate it when people forced me to speak up.
  5. “You should be like (insert parents/siblings/friends/others name)…” – My answer is only one, “why should I be like them?”. I’m not my parents in mini or young version. I’m not my younger brother/sister. I’m not my friends. I’m not them all. I’m me, myself and I. I’m unique and special on my own way (so are you). No one can change my mind. That’s it!

Are there other things you hate to hear from others about you?

Have a great day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy!

Newcomer

source : pexels.com

Girl, tell me, “did you write this?”
I said with no words
I said with my eyes
with my facial expression
I’m too embarrassed to say “yes”

You think I’m just joking?
Ah, maybe you’re just choking
Writing is an art, not an exact science
No right or wrong answer

Since when has writing been so troublesome?
Please, don’t talk nonsense
don’t build a prison
even ridiculous and silly thought have place in my mind

I’m just a newcomer
a rookie
But, I didn’t come without preparation
I can come to you in many ways
in many forms
Sometimes I can come like a fragile girl
sometimes I give you goosebumps like a ghost
sometimes I touch your heart like an angel
but, I already tortured your soul like a demon without you realize

Yogyakarta, August 7th, 2019-07.58 p.m.

Poem | Give Me Freedom

I want to be free
just like a bird
let the air fly me
across the sky
across the most beautiful places
around the world

I want to be free
from fears
from anxiety
from do nothing
from this prison

I’m tired
of being someone else
just to please you
till I don’t know myself anymore
I’m tired
of all this drama
you’re really great actor
till I don’t know if you tell the truth or lie

Give me freedom
to be my true self
Give me freedom
to be what I really want
Give me freedom
to find my own battle field
and defeat the devils
till I win the game
and being the real champion

Yogyakarta, August 5th, 2019-09.52 a.m.

Poem | Not Only

source : pexels.com

I do not only put the string of words
not only think about the diction
I play with the rhyme
with the rhythm
with the beats

I do not only shout my feeling out
not only scream through my pen
I play even mess up with your heart
although I’ll make you questioning of my sanity

I’m not writting a poem to impress
even you told me to stop
I’m gonna take one step ahead to my goals

It’s not only the string of words
It’s not only about “how it should be”
It’s about honesty
It’s about my journey
and I hide my soul behind the story

Yogyakarta, July 30th, 2019-01.00 p.m.

Ice Princess

source : pixabay.com

Her eyes radiate killer vibe

Deep, sharp, soulless

Lies in her dark brown eyes

Those eyes look like want to slaughter everyone and everything in front of her

Cut them all into small pieces

***

She stands like a statue

Almost no expression, but still stoic

“Is she angry?”

“Is she sad?”

“Does she not like us?”

That’s like an old song which always play too many times in her ears

***

She’s a killer and saviour

She’s so cold and hot

She’s a devil and angel

She’s an ice princess who can melt your heart with her kindness

Yogyakarta, July 15th, 2019-05.45 a.m.

No Room For Heart Breaker Like You

source : pexels.com

What do you want from me?

There’s nothing left from me

No love, no affection, no hope

Our love story has ended

The writers can’t write romance anymore

It’s time to close the book and write about wounds (then rip it)

Write about my new hope (of course, without you)

Write about my new dreams (of course, without you)

Write about my new days (of course, without you)

I’m ready to rip the old pages and replace them with another blank pages

***

Our love story has ended

The writer’s can’t write romance anymore

I’ll erase the letter ‘L’ in ‘Love’ , replace it with the letter ‘M’ and add ‘on’ next to it

I have no time to cry over our break up cause my tears were dried

I have no room and space for broken heart anymore cause there’s no room for heart breaker like you

Kota Wali, June 3rd, 2019-10.57 a.m.