What is Loyality For?

What is loyality for? If I have to sacrifice my health (both physically and mentally).

What is loyality for? If it makes me “far away” from my family and friends. (Remember, I use ” ” on the word far away).

What is loyality for? If I have to sacrifice my time to rest (my body has its limit. So, if my body is tired, it means I need to take a rest. Honestly, I need to understand what my body wants from me).

What is loyality for? If it makes me “far away” from God? (I need my time to pray regularly)

Sorry, if I’m so selfish. But, I can turn to be selfish when I’m too exhausted of everything or everyone around me.


Poem | Year End Syndrome

image by Breakingpic from Pexels

My head feels heavier
Is it gain some weigh?
Or do I carry too much numbers?
A stack of data
Analyze and Forecasr
Deadline and presentation

Higher pressure
Suddenly everyone gets fussy
Top manager give pressure to middle manager
Middle manager give pressure to supervisor
Supervisor give pressure to the staffs
Then, who’s the staff putting pressure on?

I nag to myself, “why are you so dumb and weak?”
I push her to the edge
She doesn’t accept it
I’m angry

So, should I press myself to reach a maximum point?

Yogyakarta, November 26th, 2019-08.00 p.m.

Poem | Like a Music

Bird chirping is like a music
of delicate morning
as the beginning of the day

Adults work
Students study
Birds left their nests
Finding out food for their babies
Nocturnals sleep
Saving the energy for hunting at night
Plants stand still
Giving us a shelter from the sun heat
Like a music of passionate afternoon
Music that will burn your spirit

The sun goes down
Tiredness gather in the body
It’s time to go home
enough for today

Beautiful sunset
Like a music for a lover who sits next to each other
“It’s too beautiful to pass by”

Black skies above your head
Moon and stars shine
Lighten up the villages, mountains, valleys and places far away from noise
Because the city always forget
how moon and stars shine
at least when the city lights are off
Like a music of quiet night
before the day change
and new hope is written in the next morning

Yogyakarta, November 24th, 2019-06.31 p.m.

Poem | Breaking The Walls

image from pexels.com

The walls on the left
The walls on the right
The walls behid my back
The walls in front of my eyes
Why am I here?

Please, let me see the world across the horizon
Wandering in every dream and reality
Finding the hidden treasures
Trying to be thankful of success
But, falling in love with the failure at the same time
Then, why don’t we break the walls?

Yogyakarta, November 22nd, 2019-08.10 p.m

Poem | Starting Point

image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

An euphoria disappeared slowly
My steps went so far

Those memories that left behind
Our conversations in every corner of this place
Burst out into laughter
The textbooks that we read
The difficult terms I didn’t understand
The theories, laws, code of ethics, formulas, methods
were enough to burn my brain

We won’t stay here forever
We have to go
even though to the different direction
Our graduations weren’t the end
It’s just our starting point

Yogyakarta, November 20th, 2019-08.10 p.m.

*) remembering my graduation 2 years ago

Poem | Always Wrong

Image by Johnhain from pixabay

I’ve tried

You dislike

Think that I’m silly

Think I can’t do anything right

It’s okay, I admit it


I’ve my priorities

You ruined

Which one should I do first?

Don’t say that I should do all of them at the same time

It’s impossible


If I have to sacrifice something,

should I sacrifice my health?

my time?

my happiness?

I don’t care if you think that I’m selfish

Yogyakarta, November 18th, 2019-10.57 p.m.

Poem | If I Stop Writing

If I stop writing
My head will explode
Because of too much thoughts

If I stop writing
My heart will break into pieces
Because I can’t take my emotions out

If I stop writing
My day will be worse than ever
Because there’s no place to escape anymore

If I stop writing
It won’t affect your life
But, it’ll affect my condition
You won’t lose anything
But, it’ll be the biggest lost for me

Yogyakarta, November 17th, 2019-06.38 p.m.

*) Notes : I made this poem as a reminder for me when I had to struggle with mood swing, laziness, procrastination, boredom and writer’s block. When I was in those conditions or when I didn’t get enough recognition, I felt like,”should I stop? should I give up?” But, I realized what’s my intention in writing. So, whatever happens, I shouldn’t stop writing. Well, Is there any condition that makes you want to stop writing? How do you get over it? Let me know your stories.

A Hell Called Workplace

image by rawpixel from pixabay

The workplace or office is full of adults from different background, knowledge, skill, experience and personality. Actually, as an adult, they can think and act like adult. Because they’re adults, they should understand the reponsibilty. Adults should know how to distinguish between right and wrong. Their mindset has built up, so, they can take an action and make their own decision.

But, in reality, I always find people (both of employees and bosses) who do not understand their responsibilities, unable to respect others (treated others like robot or machine, not human), put forward their own egos etc.

I have had a boss in my previous workplace that do not understand the rules and procedures. She never wanted to be blamed even though what she actually did was wrong. She’d rather trust the flatterers than those who tell the truth and show her the fact.

And you know, she fired 2 employees from production division and 1 accounting SPV. What surprised me was that the reason for their dismissal wasn’t a logical cause. Not long after they fired, one of my coworker in the same division with me, resigned cause she couldn’t deal with the boss attitude anymore.

When I wanted to resign, the company was looking for my successor. The company asked me to taught her anything that she’d do as her job desc.

After 3 days I accompanied her, I tried to let go of my assistance. And the next day I was forced to come to the office after she had told me that she had been intimidated by the boss. I remembered that she told me while crying back then. Finally, she only worked in the company for 1 week then decided to left.

The workplace should be an arena for healthy competition and collaboration. Not a battlefield between parties who have ‘certain interests’. Not a place for character assassination.

The adult world should not be too much drama. But, in reality, there’re many people who love to create ‘the office dramas’. And I really hate this situation. That’s why I always avoid it. I don’t care if they consider me as indifferent, cold, apathetic and so on. Well, I also don’t like and have no time for those kind of dramas.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy

Poem | The Chosen Path

Photo by Lalesh Aldarwish from Pexels

I choose the path that not everyone wants
am I weird?
am I crazy?
cause my awareness called me
“come and stay here!”

I choose the path that not everyone can stay
am I weird?
am I crazy?
cause my awareness warned me
“you better close your ears”

I choose the path that not everyone can see
am I weird?
am i crazy?
cause my awareness told me
“the third eye has awaken”

I’m here
against the boundaries
walking through the silence path

Yogyakarta, November 14th, 2019-07.28 p.m.

Poem | Where Should I Go to Escape?

If I can’t write my fate, why would I try so hard?

If there’s no change would happen, why would I still go on process?

If I can’t change the direction, why are there so many ways?


I wonder if my compass is broken

Cause I got confused and lost everytime I found the crossroad

What I thought would be the highway, turned out to be a steep, thorny road

What I thought would be my destiny, turned out to be my next mistakes


I thought everything was wrong from the start

My regret won’t be able to return the time

I want to change the direction

But, where should I go to escape?

Yogyakarta, November 11th, 2019-08.04 p.m.