To whom should I sell this pain?
Maybe I could get a healing as an exchange
But, no one wants to buy
Although I gave the lowest price
Still no one wants
They said, “Don’t you know that we have the same pain as yours? We have too much” (while pointing at their chest)
I stopped selling or offering my pain
I’ll keep it, here and there
Based on its timeline
And in a place where it should be : the cemetery that I built in my mind
November 19th, 2021
My dear, you know that sky isn’t always blue
rain doesn’t always bring the rainbow
and wind can turn into the tornado
but, you’re always able to go through
My dear, there’s no perfect past
so is the present and future
As long as you did your best
failure shouldn’t be your regret
My dear, I’m sorry for my mistreatment
I’m sorry for every emotion I bottled up
All I want was just hold back my tears
so no one knew that I’ve cried
My dear, whoever hurt or left any scars
let them pay the debts
Pity on them who threw a gem for a gravel
You deserve the best
Better than they ever gave
October 22, 2021 – the best day of the week
They say I’m lonely
going alone everywhere
without group of peers
or a man whom I date with
They took pity on me
thinking that my life is so unlucky
for not having friends
or someone who stands by my side
Yeah, please, keep talking about that shit
keep your shallow thinking to yourself
cause we’re so unwell trained to see what unseen
an amateur to dive in to the meaning
Call me a lone wolf if you want
a member who’s outcasted of the pack
cause of her flaws
which is not cool enough to stay in, even be their shadows
I’m a lone wolf
who defeat the loneliness alone
who reject to be the shadow
who won’t bow down to any expectation
October 14th, 2021-time when I feel the most powerful to make my day
Let’s go out and move our body
following the rhythm of welcome dance
greeting the night with warm embrace
We have enough time to play
enjoying the view that’s not too dark like usual
Let’s laugh together
till the bedtime story come
or a lullaby is sung
Take me go outside this room
to sing and dance under the full moon
Let my bare feet touch the ground
just run and run, since tomorrow is the day off
Under the moonlight,
my eyes will capture its allure
while my mind still call back the memories of childhood
October 10th, 2021
Oh, cheerful September
As the time goes faster
Your end is getting closer
Oh, cheerful September
As I tripped and fell over and over
I find the reason to grow stronger
Oh, cheerful September
The day when I wake up
I choose rejection to give up
Oh, cheerful September
Although sometimes life is full of grief
I’ll answer it with tears and smile at the same time
Oh, cheerful September
Maybe I need some rest
But, I refuse to stop or else I’ll regret later
Oh, cheerful September
I go through this fear again and again
Either failure or losing
Like it’s one of a daily routine
Oh, cheerful September
You give me hope and moments to be captured
But also a farewell that doesn’t need to be remembered
September 12th, 2021-when the rain is still pouring during dry season
How many times do you have to put a smile
when the words are just sweetener on the lip tip
No one knows about your heart, which is like a battle field
where the memories are vulnerable in front of grudges
Nothing is more toxic than a fake smile while mumbling of bad things
undetected and not tasted
just left a never ending chaos
If “sorry” doesn’t ever come,
which one should be there first
between regret and forgiveness?
August 25th, 2021
I don’t know what you put in your coffee while waiting for me to write you a poetry
I want to make sure that you won’t smell my anxiety or taste my break up tears
Drink your coffee till I’m done with my last verse
I want to know the limit of your patience
In your waiting, can you find a way to escape from me?
August 8th, 2021
Tell me,
that you don’t come
to give me hope
or offer a new romance
Cause I won’t be trapped in the same mistake
What do you want,
by this kind of wish?
I can’t tell,
is it a joke?
Cause you’re such a flirt
From you,
I learn how to laugh :
how life is so ridiculous
how you playfully said
that I’m your dopamine resource
Once again, you make me laugh
Keeping me in our conversations
Should it be longer,
till we finish our cups of coffee?
Let it flow or go
without pressure or compulsion
We’re just actors
that follow God’s scenario
Saturday night, end of July
When the world is too noisy
All I can hear are just noise
So, where’s the forgotten voice?
Is it hidden somewhere or blend in with the society?
When I’m surrounded by these nonsenses
It’s harder for me to stay sane
But, as long as my steps are on the lane
I’ll keep walking and pretend to not hear
When the noise makes me lose myself
Let this poem be a piece of me
Let it tells you of my other side
and be a reflection when I make mistakes
July 25th, 2021
photo by Akshaya Premjith from pexels
On your footsteps to haste
On a regret that comes after
Me, my footsteps and those destination
is the same narration with yours
I knew the emptiness in you
There’s a long waiting and an old pain
You’re waiting for helping hands
or a drop of serenity that you feel difficult to find
Everyone will wake up from their long sleeps
In my awareness, I learn about what I have to finish
before giving you an answer
or else I’ll end up swallow my bitter pills
July 19th, 2021 – during the sunset
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