Today, I’m 28. Time flies so fast.
There’s no special thing today. But the most important thing I should be grateful today is I’m still alive. I’m so thankful for every breath I take, every spoon of rice I eat, every drop of water I drink, every good and evil I experience, every smile and tears that accompany me in 28 years of my journey.
Based on my age, everyone knows that I’m legally adult. But, it doesn’t mean I’m more mature in the term of mentality. There’re still many aspects of my life that need to be improved. So, here they are.
Be kind to myself
As a perfectionist person, I admit that it’s kinda stressful. I’ll think and analyze literally everything before take an action or making a decision: every pros and cons, which one is better till the impact for others. Small mistake can make me overthinking for almost a whole fucking day.
Sometimes, my perfectionism is useful in some conditions. But, on the other day, it gives me a hard time.
Some people told me that I’m being too hard on myself and they suggest me to be more relaxed.
Instead of removing my perfectionist persona, I’ll try to control it. I’ll try to be more gentle, kind and nice to myself, especially in my dark days. I’ll try to not belittle myself if I make mistakes or fail on something.
It’s okay to have mistakes as long as I learn how to fix them. At least, I’ve tried.
Be more assertive
Another trait I hate the most about myself is I’m kinda people-pleaser.
Honestly, I find myself difficult to say “no”. Although my intuition gives me a “danger” signal, I often ignore it because I’m afraid of what they’d think or talk about me. And that’s really unhealthy on the certain level.
This kind of trait have trapped me in some toxic relationships in the past, especially romantic relationship.
So, as I’m getting older, I need to learn how to set personal boundaries. I also need to learn to say “no” if I don’t want or like something. Of course, in a proper and respectful way.
Be more chill when someone ask me “When will you marry?”
One of the things I hate for being an Indonesian girl is you’ll be questioned about marriage when you’re in your 20’s.
When you almost reach 30 and still single, the pressure to get married is getting stronger.
Most of my friends around my age are married. Some of them have baby. Luckily, they never make fun of my status.
My worries come from relatives, especially when we have family gathering during Eid al-Fitr. Lately, they ask me more often if I have boyfriend or not (read: it’s a sign of pressure I told you before). I’d hate them more if they dare to compare my life and status to their youth or anyone else out there.
My parents aren’t like them, but I’m still worried that in the future they’ll do the same because this their unworthy daughter can’t fulfill our social expectations. (I hope they won’t be affected).
Tbh, finding a suitable partner for me can be tiresome because falling in love isn’t an easy thing for me. But, if there’s a man who can make me head over heels to him, I can make him the one and only.
sunset in the beginning of September