Do you know why I like cloudy and windy weather? Yeah, cause I won’t feel my body sunburn or my head is boiling and will explode soon. I also don’t need to worry about getting wet or catch a cold cause of raining. It’s perfect for me. Not too hot, not too cold. Just like this morning.
***
I don’t know if this city is still asleep or half-awake cause the streets are quite deserted. Ah, maybe because today is Saturday? Weekend? I don’t even know why. Who do you think I am? Should know everything? The thing I know now is I sit here at the veranda, drinking a cup of coffee while seeking an inspiration. Voices in my head asked, “what should I write today?”
***
Finding a good and right word to be arranged into whole sentences has never been easy for me. I often had a fight with my inner self, argue a lot with the voices in my head just to find a good and right word. I said “A”, they said “B”. I wanted “this”, they wanted “that”. How could I deal with these fight?
***
I always act like a chef when it comes to write, especially poem. My poem doesn’t only consist of words, but also : the unspeakable love, the eternal dreams, a passionate longing, non-bleeding wounds, a half of joy that flew away and the other half that left in my memory. Concocting all of them in my head, pour into a piece of paper, let the pen executes every words even comas and dots. The time will be the furnace that cook all of them till done. Then I’ll serve it with a cup of morning warmth and a plate of friendliness of sunlight. And I’ll give them all to a wanderer who’s thirsty for love and hungry for affection.
Knowing the truth can be hurtful. That’s why we always try to hide it behind our back, behind our good words, behind our fake smile. We are wearing masks to look more pleasing and convincing. We-humans are too good at pretending. No matter who we are.
I don’t want to explain what is the meaning of hypocrite here. If you want to know what the meaning is, just look at your dictionary or search at Google. I just want to tell you some of acts we often do or relatable with our life. Cause someone said to me that we often being hypocrite whether we are aware or not. So, it makes me so curious now, can the behaviours below be classified as hypocrisy? Okay, let me explain some.
Situation 1. Everyone has their own love story. It can be nice, sweet and romantic like a fairy tale or hurtful, pathetic and tragic like a tragedy. But, whatever it is, love is always unpredictable and mysterious.
Did you remember how’s your feeling when you love someone? You did everything to attract his/her attention. When you felt that the time or moment was right, you confessed your feeling. You promised him/her that you’d like to love him/her no matter what. You promised him/her that you’d like to accept him/her for who he/she is. Even you promised to sacrifice yourself for him/her. And many more promises you’ve told before. But, when the relationship was in conflict, you seem like forgot all your promises. Didn’t try to solve the problem so you could relieve the conflict to keep your relationship go ahead. Break up became the one and only solution. Didn’t you guys promise to always together whatever happens? Didn’t you guys promise to overcome everything together? So, where did the promises go?
Situation 2. Is there any person you don’t like in your life? I think you’re not alone. Me too. There’s always a person we don’t like no matter what the reason is. Maybe because of jealousy, maybe they did something bad to you, maybe they have problematic attitude and so on (tbh, we can’t please everyone). But, you often give compliments to them even small things or something they never do. You often praise in front of them but talk behind their back too. You often show your empathy of the bad things happened to them but judge behind their back too. So, what are all the compliments and empathy for?
Situation 3. Recognition lies on the top of needs hierarchy. Yeah, everyone needs recognition. But, how did you get it?
Have you ever lied about who you truly are to cover your flaws? Have you ever showed a fake smile or pretended to be happy just to look stronger? (In fact, your heart is hurt but not bleeding). Seems like if you are being honest about yourself, everyone won’t accept you, society would throw a judgement of who you are or what you do. Caring of what others think. Afraid if people know your flaws, your image and existence would be threatened. So, should we wear a mask? Should we live in a lie to please others? Should we act and behave “not like ourselves” to be accepted by the society?
And my last question, if I have done all of them (whether I’m aware or not), am I being hypocrite in my entire life?
Yogyakarta, June 14th, 2019-06.25 a.m.
*) Have a great day everyone. Don’t forget to be happy 🙂
Making your face brighter, more red lips or looks like you have slim figure. Actually, you have no that looks. Huh, it’s a lie, dear! How could you do that?
Taking a photo of what eat today, with an instagramable serving or background behind you.
Posting your romantic Saturday Night photos with your boyfriend/girlfriend, with a #relationshipgoals (I wonder what’s the meaning of relationship goals itself) Although you’ll feel difficult to delete all the photos later or posting a broken-heart status when you break up.
Showing off of your branded items you’ve bought. Making others jealous and craving to have it even though they have no enough money. Maybe it’s not their needs, just for rising their prestige if they can have it.
Showing off of your new workplace in multinational or international company, claiming “that’s what success looks like”. If others haven’t already reach your level, then you underestimate them. Actually, you don’t know that everyone else is doing something on their dreams. Have I ever told you that “life isn’t a races?” Everything needs a process, dear! There’s no instant process. A process needs your sacrifice (time, money, mental strength or maybe your emotions). And there’s no fix standard on describing “success”.
So, what are you looking for?
Recognition? Compliments? Comments? Like?
Then, what will happen to you if you don’t get all of them?
If you describe what you see on social media as a happiness, what about people that prefer to keep it themselves? Just posting a certain photo or sharing a certain moment at least one or two times in a month. Aren’t they happy with their life?
You can’t see what happiness looks like. You can’t smell, taste or touch it. You only can feel it in your deepest heart.
*) Sorry, if it makes you feel triggered or uncomfortable cause I’m kinda sick of what happened on social media today. Have a great day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy 😊
People can’t speak without words; an author can’t write without words; an advertisement needs some persuasive words; a story teller needs words to tell his/her stories and deliver messages; a song needs music and lyrics, and lyrics need words.
***
Words are magical and hypnotizing
I can feel the anger, despair, sadness, hurt, disappoinment, rejection through the words
On the other hand, I can feel the happiness, love, hope, faithfulness, acceptance, freedom through the words
***
Words are my medicine
A good medicine even in a good or bad conditions
I can speak my mind louder through my poems or prose
Although I wrote it in clear and directly or using metaphor a lot, that’s my style
Actually, I just want to let my ideas go out of my mind
I’m thankful that I can be friend with words since I was very young
Stood up on the edge of river made me realize that something was gone. Something that becomes a part of my childhood memories. An only tree that stood up on the riverbank, now starts to shed its leaves. Make it looks more pathetic. An orange tinge on the sky makes my heart more melancholy (or maybe pity).
***
I remembered about the river that looked like a crystal till we could see our reflection on it. I missed the calming river flow that hypnotized me with its lullaby. Now it doesn’t exist anymore. Almost no life or balance. Replaced with blackened river, urban slums and faces full of despair.
***
I also remembered when we could still swim or just sat on the riverbank to enjoy the dusk. One time, two times, we messed up with a group of swimming swans or flocks of birds that perched on the tree. Some little boys tried to fly their kites higher, some little girls sang a happiness song to lighten up the time. Now, it doesn’t exist anymore. Almost no pleasing voices. Replaced with vehicle or factory noises and wind that whispered a bad news on dry leaves.
If I could stop the time, I wouldn’t waste my time to dive in your deep dark eyes. From those eyes I could realize that you’ve kept the secrets since we’re not mature enough to understand love and hate. We were into an argument of mystery of night sky and morning sky that unveiled all mysteries. Although we knew each other that the debate will never find ‘agree’ or ‘disagree’ as a result.
***
In the last station, we sat next to each other on the old bench that’s even older than our parents age. We’re into the never-ending debate again till tired then decided to shut our mouth few minutes later. Maybe we ran out of conversations or just too tired to argue. Then I heard you sang a sad song which made me recalled our memories of the old days.
***
The train has passed one by one. Our memories passed one by one in my head. You always know how to trigger my mind and messed up with my feeling. The last station becomes silent witness of many encounter and farewell.
***
“I have to go”, you said to me 5 minutes before the last train arrive.
You throw a jaded glance at me. Waiting for my response. Asking for my answer. Hoping I would hold your hands and make you stay here.
***
You feel heaviness on your legs as the train arrive. You glance at me one more time.
“You have to go. I’m okay.”
I can feel my body’s trembling and try to hold my tears back.
You stroke my hair.
Whispering in my ears, “Don’t worry. I’ll be back. I’ll miss our never-ending debate. The last station will always be the best place to gather our love.”
