No Need To Be Surprised At People Who Decide Not To Have Social Media Account

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

The use of social media for various purposes has become a part of people’s life from around the world. Young, old, men, women, office workers, housewives, almost everyone has social media account. The trend of using social media continues to change. When I was in Primary School, many people used Friendster. In Middle School, Facebook began to be loved. Not long after Facebook era, Twitter appeared. And now, Instagram seems to be a new trend in the world of social media.

Have you ever thought how could some people not have any social media account in this modern world? Doesn’t it help you to promote your idea, project or product? Doesn’t it help to connect and communicate with people? Doesn’t it help you to make you more popular?

I don’t say that social media aren’t important. But, there are people who refuse to have any social media. George Clooney, Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone, Benedict Cumberbatch, Reza Rahadian are the example of some celebrities that do not have social media. But, people know them for their acting and films.

So, why are there people who don’t want to have social media account?

  1. Keeping up the privacy
    Social media allows you to post or share everything you want. Whether it’s good or bad. Some people lack of caution and can’t control themselves to post something that shouldn’t be posted or shared on social media. Finally, everyone knows. And it can be used by bad people to invade your privacy.
  2. Keeping up the productivities
    Scrolling the timeline, checking notification, liking or leaving comment on someone’s photo when you’re working on something at the same time, really waste your time and energy. It will distract your focus. So, your works will be non optimal.
  3. Maintaining mental health
    United Kingdom’s Royal Society of Public Health published their result of research about the difference of the use of social media on physical and mental health effect, conducted on 1.479 people with an age range 14-25 years old from some region in Great Britain. The results from this survey taken from National Geographic showed that Instagram is potentially giving the worst effect on mental health, compared to other social media, like Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat even YouTube.
    Instagram can be the best place to do cyber bullying, body shaming, creating jealousy, insecurity and anxiety. It doesn’t mean that other social media is free from toxic and annoying people, but, instagram is crazy.
  4. They might be people who have great self esteem and confidence
    Some people use social media for gaining popularity, recognition and applause. But, people with great self esteem and confidence might not need all of them. They have thoughts if they’re being themselves, doing good things to others, then people will know them for who they are. People will know them for what they’re doing without show it off on social media. They’re happy and grateful of what they have and haven’t. They’re happy and grateful of what they do and don’t. Happiness is simple, right?
  5. They might be people who prefer interaction in real life rather than in virtual world
    Sometimes people act differently in real life and virtual world. In vitual world, they appear as nice guy/girl, but being totally bastard in real life. It might happen cause in social media we don’t meet people face to face. So, it’s really possible if we’re being two-faced person. Well, I’m one of those who believe that if you want to know someone is nice or bastard, you need to know how they behave in real life. If you know nothing, don’t trust people you only know from social media easily.
  6. Not good enough in operating technology
    (In Bahasa, we called it “gaptek”)


The debate between pros and cons, controversy and criticism about social media would be longer if I explain it too in this article. So, I’ll stop here and let me explain it on another post.

Have a great day, everyone!

Intoduction of Toxic Positivity

photo by Aaron Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

What do you do when negative emotions, like sadness, anger, fear, anxiety, disgusted, etc hits you? What’d you say to people you care about, when they tell you their problems? Do you show them an empathy or toxic positivity?

We might not realize that we can be victim or culprit of toxic positivity at the same time. So, what’s toxic positivity?

Toxic positivity can be defined as excessive and inneffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situation

(thepsychologygroup.com)

To give you an easier explanation (I hope), I’ll show you some example below.

Situation 1

Your friend has broke up with her boyfriend. She’s really heartbroken. She’s crying out loud and needs someone to talk to. Then she came to you and told you her problems. As a response, you told her some “encouragement words” ,such as :

” Be positive”
“Look on the bright side”
“Don’t give up”
“Everything’s gonna be alright”
“Moving on” (etc)

(In Bahasa, you often say, “sabar ya..”, “semangat ya..”, “jangan nyerah”, “udah ikhlasin aja” etc)

Situation 2

You told your best friend that you’re defamed by your coworker. It really damaged your reputation that you’ve developed for many years. And your boss was starting to lose his trust in you. Then, your best friend compared your problem with hers or others. She compared which one is more pathetic. She compared who suffers more between you and her or others. In the other hand, she just talked about herself, didn’t pay attention of what you’re saying.

If you have experienced those kind of situation, well, that’s toxic positivity. For situation 1, your friend become the victim of toxic postivity. And you become the one who throws toxic positivity. Meanwhile situation 2 is the opposite of situation 1.

There’re some characteristics of toxic positivity.

  1. Denial. Toxic positivity is fake positivity. It makes people deny and pretend to be happy just to cover their negative emotions. They’ll refuse to be honest to their true emotions and feelings.
  2. Unrealistic. Toxic positivity puts us as if we always have to be happy and positive. Life is up and down. Our life is not always at the top. We can’t always laugh. Sometimes we can cry. The encouragemnt words like I told you in situation 1, look good and motivating. But, it’s kinda problematic and unrealistic. Why? Some of you might disagree with me. Some of you might answer, “I just try to motivate his/her, so he/she can forget his/her problems. Where’s the mistake?”. Well, I suggest you to read it till the end cause the answer will be revealed (implicitly) on the next part.
  3. Comparing who suffers more. Like the example on situation 2, toxic positivity thinks others problem is nothing compare to our problems.

So, what should we do to avoid toxic positivity?

  1. Admitting and understanding your negative emotions. Negative emotions are normal. You don’t need to hide your true emotions by smiling or pretending that you’re okay. Cause it’s okay to not be fine (sometimes).
  2. Releasing your true emotions. If you’re sad after breaking up, you can cry. If someone treats you like a shit, you can angry. When you’ll have a presentation on annual meeting, it’s normal if you’re nervous, especially if it’s your first time. Why do we have to hide it? Why do we have to lie, like everything is okay? Hiding your emotions will damage your mental health in long term.
  3. Learning to control your emotions. Controlling emotions is different from hiding emotions. If you want learn how to control your emotions, you should admit and know first, what kind of emotions do you feel, what do you want. And you won’t ever know your emotions well, if the things you do is denial.
  4. Be a good listener. Don’t interupt someone who tells you her/his problem. Listen and pay attention to what they’re talking about. That’s the reason why God gives us 2 ears and 1 mouth.
  5. Don’t compare who suffers more. Our problem might be the same. But, our strength in facing the problem might be different. What you think is easy, can be difficult for others and vice versa.
  6. Giving the right response. I know it’s hard to give the right response and honestly, I often act like Ms.Know-It-All to them (I’m so sorry T_T). So, what’d you say? You can show them that you care about their condition by saying, :

“I’m deeply sorry to hear that”
“I know it’s really hard for you”
“If I were you, I’d feel the same” (etc
.)

Or… you can give physical touch if necessary (and if he/she doesn’t mind about it), like patting his/her shoulder, hugs, etc. Then, you can offer him/her to talk (or even crying) more till he/she feels better and satisfied. If he/she asks you for an advice, please, do it wisely. If he/she doesn’t ask, please, don’t be Mr/Mrs/Ms Know-It-All (Tbh, it’s the hardest part I should change from myself). Cause sometimes someone only needs to be heard, not asking for advice.


An Opinion on Women’s Life (Part 3 : An Open Letter to Women)

Photo by John-Mark Smith on pexels

Dear Women,

All of you are beautiful. No matter what’s your skin color, hair style, short or tall, thin or thick. Don’t let the others dictate you about how the beauty looks like. You better define your own beauty. Don’t trust the beauty standard that much. If you’re more thankful, you’ll start to love yourself. Later, you’ll realize that everyone is special on their own way.

Dear Women,

You aren’t only about your face and body. You have brain. You have talent. You have beautiful heart and soul. You have the right to grow up. You have the right to have your choices. You have the right to learn anything you want. You have the right to be respected. You have the right to be treated equally. You have the right to speak up your mind. Don’t let them underestimate you! Keep your head up and show them who you truly are!

Dear Women,

You might have high academic degree. You might have high salary. You might have high position. But, you need to know your position in your household. Control your ego. Be humble. Respect and obey your husband. Be a good mother to your children.

Dear Women,

Doing chores, cooking, giving the best service to your husband, doesn’t mean you’re his maid. It doesn’t mean that he’s your boss. That’s your responsibilty as a wife. That’s a kind of how you express your gratitude of his sacrifice toward you. Instead of complaining how hard your chores, why don’t you discuss it with your husband? Remember, I said DISCUSS! Not ARGUING! Not FIGHTING! So, please talk to him heart to heart and control your emotions.

Dear Women,

You shouldn’t attack each other just to catch men’s attention. You shouldn’t offend and judge another women who have different opinion, value, choices with you. “Girls compete each other, women empower one another”. So, can you see the difference?

Dear Women,

Don’t hide yourself behind the statement, “lady’s first” when you see an an old man doesn’t get a seat on a public transportation! Cause the one who must be prioritized more is him, not you. How if he’s sick? How if he’s so exhausted and can’t stand up for a long time? How if he’s your own father and he’s treated like that? Just because you’re women, doesn’t mean you must always be prioritized first. There’s time or situation that you should succumb for the common good.

Dear Women,

It’s okay if you hate patriarchy. It’s okay if you hate toxic masculinity. It’s okay if you hate gender inequality. But, if you hate men, I think you should fix your mind. Cause men and women aren’t rival. They’re partner. So, they should be together to make the world a better place to stay.

I wrote this letter not only for you. It’s my self-reminder too. In this world where women haven’t free from sexual harassment, objectification and discrimination yet, I hope women can fight for their rights, but also knowing and taking their responsibilities without too much excuses.

With love and respect,

Luna

An Opinion on Women’s Life (Part 2 : What’s Wrong With Smart Women?)

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from pexels

A smart person always looks more attractive in my eyes.

Some of women are afraid of having dreams, ambitions or just being smart.

Don’t dream too high. Don’t be too smart cause men won’t like you

Don’t dream too high. Don’t be too smart, if you’ll end up getting married and being housewife only

Ironically, those statements are spoken by women too (mostly).

Ok, let me tell you something.

Women must be smart and welleducated. A well-educated person is different from a person who’s attended school and got academic degree. Degree and diploma are just signal that you’ve attended, then graduated from school or university. But, they’re not necessarily show how well-educated you are.

Have you ever known someone who’s not attended school or university, but, her/his knowledge is no joke? Have you ever known someone who’s decided to drop out of school/university, but being successful at very young age? Well, I don’t tell you that school isn’t important. I just want to emphasize that one of characteristics every well-educated people have, are never stop learning from anyone or anything. School, university or whatever you said, is not the only place to study. Every place in this whole world is our school and everyone is our teacher.

Let’s back to the topic!

Smart women always know how to handle and overcome the problem. They know how to put themselves in every place, time and situation. Being smart women have nothing to do with their life choices as a working mom or stay at home mom.

Now, imagine if your husband asks you for your consideration or advice on important and serious thing, then what’d you say to him? Please, don’t say that you’d answer, “up to you”. Because men will be annoyed if you always answerup to youon everything they ask.

Imagine if your children come to you with their innocent yet unpredictable questions, then, how could you explain to them (especially if your children are still underage)? In Islamic beliefs, a mother is the first madrasa for her children. So, how could a mother educate her children, if she has no knowledge at all?

There’s nothing wrong with smart women as long as they stay humble with their smartness. So, women should care about their brain and attitude too. Not only their beauty, make up or fashion. And if you have a boyfriend or crush who can’t appreciate your smartness (for example), I’d say that it’s time to find another man cause he doesn’t deserve you.

Have a great day, everyone. Don’t forget to be happy.

For previous article you can click on https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2020/05/05/an-opinion-on-womens-life-part-1-working-mom-vs-stay-at-home-mom/

An Opinion on Women’s Life (Part 1 : Working Mom vs Stay at Home Mom)

In Indonesia, we always celebrate Kartini’s Day every April 21st. I know it’s so late, but, it’s okay to write this topic today. As long as there’re women who are discriminated, labelled or stigmatized, I have the right to speak up anything about it. Anytime, anywhere.

First, I don’t want to claim myself as a feminist. Because I think I can speak up anything I care/interest/know about without labelling myself. And I won’t force you to agree with what I write here.

Ok, then. Back to the title.

Woman is a multirole creature. They can be daughter, sister, wife, mother, member of society, citizen of country even a leader of the group/organization/institution/country. Woman is a multitasking person too. Have you ever seen a woman who’s doing chores while holding her baby? That’s one of a proof.

Today, women have the same opportunity to get better education and pursue their career. Then, the debate between working mom vs stay at home mom appears on public.

Working mom often assume that stay at home mom waste their knowledges, talents, degrees, achievements, opportunities etc. Meanwhile stay at home mom assume that working mom are too ambitious, selfish and not taking care of their families well. Sometimes, stay at home mom use religious dogma (I won’t mention certain religion here cause I don’t want to stereotyping them) to offend working mom. Meanwhile working mom, sometimes, use feminism issues to strike back.

Well, instead of arguing, why don’t we support and respect each other’s choice?

Like I said before, woman is a multi-role creature. Women have the right to choose what’s the best for their life and future. Whether they choose to be working mom or stay at home mom, they could have gone through an uneasy inner conflict. We might not know how hard the pressure they’re received from family or society.

So, if you’re lucky enough to be surrounded by supportive people and enviroment (parents, siblings, partner, friends, etc), that’s great. But, how about them, who are raised in very conservative family and society?

Have a great day, everyone. Don’t forget to be happy.

Poem | Crossroad

photo by James Wheeler from pexels

I don’t know which path I should follow
How could I know if it was filled with thorns or red roses?
How could I know if I’d met another darkness or light in the end?

I don’t care of what I’ve left behind
Who needs time turner if I can make a change today?
Even a driver doesn’t always look back through rearview mirror
I just need 1 or 2 times to reflect

There’s a sign : left or right
one step ahead or take a step back
Then I’ll choose stop
cause I don’t want to end up with regret on my next destination

Yogyakarta, February 16th, 2020-06.04 a.m.

“Living in a Poem” (Collection of Poems that Used to be Highlight)

1.) Living in a Poem

Every word that lives in a poem, never asks to be liked
because it doesn’t need many reasons to be liked or disliked
Every word that lives in a poem, never asks to be understood
because it doesn’t need many theories to be understood or just to be enjoyed
Every word that lives in a poem, never asks to be praised
because it realizes that its existence may attract humiliation

Don’t want to be liked
Don’t want to be understood
Don’t want to be praised
It just wants life and freedom in a poem
where it doesn’t need to be bound to commas and dots
even you have freedom to interpret it as you want to be
as long as it has a chance to live once again

for the original article, click : https://www.kompasiana.com/lunaseptalisa/5d5dd582097f360fc0014f12/hidup-dalam-puisi

2.) I Want To Be Me

A friend told me that she’d be a secret code. Whether it’s a number, letter or picture. She told me that she’d be a mystery, even though it’s difficult, but interesting to guess and solve.

A friend told me that she’d be a wanderer. Whether a wanderer in her own world or in others world. She told me that she couldn’t endure and stay for a long time in a place that remembered her about her past.
“Too much wounds”, she replied.

A friend told me that she’d be a poem. She didn’t want to be a secret code because it’s too difficult for her. She didn’t want to be a wanderer because it’s too exhausting for her. Finally, she decided to be a poem so that she could hide the other side of her behind letter, space, words even commas and dots.

But, I don’t want to be a secret code, wanderer or poem. I want to be me with all the mysteries, past and wounds that shaped me to be someone who you know today.

for the original article : https://www.kompasiana.com/lunaseptalisa/5d23d0310d8230465a6207d7/aku-ingin-menjadi-aku

3.) Night That Lost A Conversation

That night, we tried to talk each other
You told me about a long dry season that never meet rain
about the southern wind that scattered the leaves, littering the yard
meanwhile I started raving about longing that lost its pier
and the past memories that I don’t know how long they haven’t been touched


Forth week of October
Heat met another heat
evaporate our conversations in the night that lost its coolness
just left the questions that keep in our heart


“This isn’t our usual conversations”
and we were silent for a long time
in the silence that I couldn’t understand anymore

for the original article, click : https://www.kompasiana.com/lunaseptalisa/5db61b7d097f366b5c7fc3e2/malam-yang-kehilangan-percakapan

*) Note : I posted some of my poems collection here as a special edition on achievement of 100 poems I posted on WordPress. I only choose 3 poems that used to be highlight and they’re my most favorite poem that I’ve ever written. The other reason why I only choose 3 because I’m tired to translate them into English haha XD (I wrote them in Indonesian, so, I just want to share some of them to foreign friends here). And if you’re Indonesian, you can check the original article on the link that I put above.

Poem | Starting Point

image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

An euphoria disappeared slowly
My steps went so far

Those memories that left behind
Our conversations in every corner of this place
Burst out into laughter
The textbooks that we read
The difficult terms I didn’t understand
The theories, laws, code of ethics, formulas, methods
were enough to burn my brain

We won’t stay here forever
We have to go
even though to the different direction
Our graduations weren’t the end
It’s just our starting point

Yogyakarta, November 20th, 2019-08.10 p.m.

*) remembering my graduation 2 years ago

Poem | Always Wrong

Image by Johnhain from pixabay

I’ve tried

You dislike

Think that I’m silly

Think I can’t do anything right

It’s okay, I admit it

*

I’ve my priorities

You ruined

Which one should I do first?

Don’t say that I should do all of them at the same time

It’s impossible

*

If I have to sacrifice something,

should I sacrifice my health?

my time?

my happiness?

I don’t care if you think that I’m selfish

Yogyakarta, November 18th, 2019-10.57 p.m.

Poem | If I Stop Writing

If I stop writing
My head will explode
Because of too much thoughts

If I stop writing
My heart will break into pieces
Because I can’t take my emotions out

If I stop writing
My day will be worse than ever
Because there’s no place to escape anymore

If I stop writing
It won’t affect your life
But, it’ll affect my condition
You won’t lose anything
But, it’ll be the biggest lost for me

Yogyakarta, November 17th, 2019-06.38 p.m.

*) Notes : I made this poem as a reminder for me when I had to struggle with mood swing, laziness, procrastination, boredom and writer’s block. When I was in those conditions or when I didn’t get enough recognition, I felt like,”should I stop? should I give up?” But, I realized what’s my intention in writing. So, whatever happens, I shouldn’t stop writing. Well, Is there any condition that makes you want to stop writing? How do you get over it? Let me know your stories.