Poem | Crossroad

photo by James Wheeler from pexels

I don’t know which path I should follow
How could I know if it was filled with thorns or red roses?
How could I know if I’d met another darkness or light in the end?

I don’t care of what I’ve left behind
Who needs time turner if I can make a change today?
Even a driver doesn’t always look back through rearview mirror
I just need 1 or 2 times to reflect

There’s a sign : left or right
one step ahead or take a step back
Then I’ll choose stop
cause I don’t want to end up with regret on my next destination

Yogyakarta, February 16th, 2020-06.04 a.m.

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“Living in a Poem” (Collection of Poems that Used to be Highlight)

1.) Living in a Poem

Every word that lives in a poem, never asks to be liked
because it doesn’t need many reasons to be liked or disliked
Every word that lives in a poem, never asks to be understood
because it doesn’t need many theories to be understood or just to be enjoyed
Every word that lives in a poem, never asks to be praised
because it realizes that its existence may attract humiliation

Don’t want to be liked
Don’t want to be understood
Don’t want to be praised
It just wants life and freedom in a poem
where it doesn’t need to be bound to commas and dots
even you have freedom to interpret it as you want to be
as long as it has a chance to live once again

for the original article, click : https://www.kompasiana.com/lunaseptalisa/5d5dd582097f360fc0014f12/hidup-dalam-puisi

2.) I Want To Be Me

A friend told me that she’d be a secret code. Whether it’s a number, letter or picture. She told me that she’d be a mystery, even though it’s difficult, but interesting to guess and solve.

A friend told me that she’d be a wanderer. Whether a wanderer in her own world or in others world. She told me that she couldn’t endure and stay for a long time in a place that remembered her about her past.
“Too much wounds”, she replied.

A friend told me that she’d be a poem. She didn’t want to be a secret code because it’s too difficult for her. She didn’t want to be a wanderer because it’s too exhausting for her. Finally, she decided to be a poem so that she could hide the other side of her behind letter, space, words even commas and dots.

But, I don’t want to be a secret code, wanderer or poem. I want to be me with all the mysteries, past and wounds that shaped me to be someone who you know today.

for the original article : https://www.kompasiana.com/lunaseptalisa/5d23d0310d8230465a6207d7/aku-ingin-menjadi-aku

3.) Night That Lost A Conversation

That night, we tried to talk each other
You told me about a long dry season that never meet rain
about the southern wind that scattered the leaves, littering the yard
meanwhile I started raving about longing that lost its pier
and the past memories that I don’t know how long they haven’t been touched


Forth week of October
Heat met another heat
evaporate our conversations in the night that lost its coolness
just left the questions that keep in our heart


“This isn’t our usual conversations”
and we were silent for a long time
in the silence that I couldn’t understand anymore

for the original article, click : https://www.kompasiana.com/lunaseptalisa/5db61b7d097f366b5c7fc3e2/malam-yang-kehilangan-percakapan

*) Note : I posted some of my poems collection here as a special edition on achievement of 100 poems I posted on WordPress. I only choose 3 poems that used to be highlight and they’re my most favorite poem that I’ve ever written. The other reason why I only choose 3 because I’m tired to translate them into English haha XD (I wrote them in Indonesian, so, I just want to share some of them to foreign friends here). And if you’re Indonesian, you can check the original article on the link that I put above.

Poem | Starting Point

image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

An euphoria disappeared slowly
My steps went so far

Those memories that left behind
Our conversations in every corner of this place
Burst out into laughter
The textbooks that we read
The difficult terms I didn’t understand
The theories, laws, code of ethics, formulas, methods
were enough to burn my brain

We won’t stay here forever
We have to go
even though to the different direction
Our graduations weren’t the end
It’s just our starting point

Yogyakarta, November 20th, 2019-08.10 p.m.

*) remembering my graduation 2 years ago

Poem | Always Wrong

Image by Johnhain from pixabay

I’ve tried

You dislike

Think that I’m silly

Think I can’t do anything right

It’s okay, I admit it

*

I’ve my priorities

You ruined

Which one should I do first?

Don’t say that I should do all of them at the same time

It’s impossible

*

If I have to sacrifice something,

should I sacrifice my health?

my time?

my happiness?

I don’t care if you think that I’m selfish

Yogyakarta, November 18th, 2019-10.57 p.m.

Poem | If I Stop Writing

If I stop writing
My head will explode
Because of too much thoughts

If I stop writing
My heart will break into pieces
Because I can’t take my emotions out

If I stop writing
My day will be worse than ever
Because there’s no place to escape anymore

If I stop writing
It won’t affect your life
But, it’ll affect my condition
You won’t lose anything
But, it’ll be the biggest lost for me

Yogyakarta, November 17th, 2019-06.38 p.m.

*) Notes : I made this poem as a reminder for me when I had to struggle with mood swing, laziness, procrastination, boredom and writer’s block. When I was in those conditions or when I didn’t get enough recognition, I felt like,”should I stop? should I give up?” But, I realized what’s my intention in writing. So, whatever happens, I shouldn’t stop writing. Well, Is there any condition that makes you want to stop writing? How do you get over it? Let me know your stories.

A Hell Called Workplace

image by rawpixel from pixabay

The workplace or office is full of adults from different background, knowledge, skill, experience and personality. Actually, as an adult, they can think and act like adult. Because they’re adults, they should understand the reponsibilty. Adults should know how to distinguish between right and wrong. Their mindset has built up, so, they can take an action and make their own decision.

But, in reality, I always find people (both of employees and bosses) who do not understand their responsibilities, unable to respect others (treated others like robot or machine, not human), put forward their own egos etc.

I have had a boss in my previous workplace that do not understand the rules and procedures. She never wanted to be blamed even though what she actually did was wrong. She’d rather trust the flatterers than those who tell the truth and show her the fact.

And you know, she fired 2 employees from production division and 1 accounting SPV. What surprised me was that the reason for their dismissal wasn’t a logical cause. Not long after they fired, one of my coworker in the same division with me, resigned cause she couldn’t deal with the boss attitude anymore.

When I wanted to resign, the company was looking for my successor. The company asked me to taught her anything that she’d do as her job desc.

After 3 days I accompanied her, I tried to let go of my assistance. And the next day I was forced to come to the office after she had told me that she had been intimidated by the boss. I remembered that she told me while crying back then. Finally, she only worked in the company for 1 week then decided to left.

The workplace should be an arena for healthy competition and collaboration. Not a battlefield between parties who have ‘certain interests’. Not a place for character assassination.

The adult world should not be too much drama. But, in reality, there’re many people who love to create ‘the office dramas’. And I really hate this situation. That’s why I always avoid it. I don’t care if they consider me as indifferent, cold, apathetic and so on. Well, I also don’t like and have no time for those kind of dramas.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy

Poem | Broken Promise

photo by Valentin Antonucci on unsplash

I’ve promised to stay strong
to always smile
to think positively
even in a hard times
even in a dark days

I’ve promised not to cry
not to show that I was fragile
not to tell everyone that I was hurt and broken
even when I have no reason to smile anymore
even when my legs were too weak to stand up

I’ve promised to draw happiness on your face
to whisper and scream through my poem
just to ease your pain
to keep you by my side
so, you won’t be alone

I’m not strong enough
to hold my tears
crying over broken promise
something that makes me sorry

Yogyakarta, October 30th, 2019-10.59 p.m.

Writer’s Dilemma : Principles and Idealism vs Market Taste

photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexel.com

There’s a romance novelist I knew on blogging community shared her thought and concern about sex and violence scenes in popular romance stories, especially on platform, like wattpad and fanfiction.net. In her opinion, that scene is too vulgar and she worried if it’d damage the youngster’s moral and mentalities, especially underage readers. Okay, I don’t want to talk about “eastern culture” or “moral and ethic” here, because the explanation will be longer and kinda risky in rising a heated argument. But, yeah I know what she feels cause I have the same worries. As a romance novelist, she regretted the creativity of romance story writers whom she considered to be limited only to sex and violence scenes.

She also regretted why romance stories with the nuances of sex and violence became more popular and loved by many people. When she shared her opinion, one of her friend called her as “moralist” (in a mocking tone).

Moralist (n) is a person who has strong ideas about moral principles, especially one who tells people how they should behave
(Oxford Advanved Learner’s Dictionary)
I wonder what’s wrong if someone is considered as moralist? Please, tell me if it’s good or bad!

Have Your Own Principles and Idealism

Every writer must have uniqueness and writing style. Our writing style usually almost similar with the way we talk. If you try to copy others writing style, even he/she is your role model, your writing seems has no soul. Because you write like others, not yourself.

Principles and idealism in writing are also important owned by every writer. My blogger friend that I’ve told you about at the beginning, has the principle and idealism not to include sex and violence scene in her works (even drugs and alcoholic drinks are shown only a little as an explanatory, not a major element).

There’s another blogger friend who’s more senior (both age and experience) , always including his personal experiences as real examples of what he wrote. His writings are rich in life wisdom and very characterized (he’s already three quarters of a century old, so his life experiences are numerous).

I have principles and idealism in writing, which is not only able to entertain but also educate, both myself and others. I also maintain the principles of simplicity, honesty and sincerity in writing. I don’t want my writing is only about bundle of words, but also has meaning and able to touch others heart or make others brain work to think, even though only 1 or 2 people.

Idealism vs Market Taste

An idealist writer often find dilemma between maintain the idealism or follow the market taste. If you’re an Indonesian, I’m sure you know how’s the quality of our TV programs today, especially shitnetron (I mean sinetron) and FTV. I have ever read an article that contained interviews with some sinetron and FTV script writers. They claimed to the media that their scripts often have to be revised because the scripts were considered as “too intelectual” so people will find it difficult to understand. “People” referred to here is the lower middle class and uneducated people.

For me, there’re 2 things I want to criticize. First, this country actually never lack of smart and creative script writers. But they’re forced to meet market tastes and pursue ratings, that’s why they’re being forced to sacrifice their principles and idealism. Secondly, if the target is lower middle class and uneducated people, can’t they produce entertainment programs with “better quality” but still entertaining? “A better quality” doesn’t mean it must be “too intelectual”. Got the point?

Okay, back to the topic. Honestly, I’m sad yet embarassed to know how pitiful the readers tastes (and TV viewers) in this +62 country. I’m sorry, I do not intended to humiliate my country itself. Like a TV programs, can’t romance writers write love stories that aren’t vulgar but still romantic? Love is universal language besides music, so, don’t narrow the meaning of love with such ragged romance stories like that. And love must not only be shown by sexual desire. Only narrow minded people who think that sex is the only way to show how you love someone.

Writing love stories that fit in market tastes (applies to any type and genre of writing) will probably bring more popularity and money. So, should our principles and idealism be traded with those kind of things?

Have a great day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.

Poem | Birth

image by Rene Asmussen on pexels.com

Birth is the beginning
A sign to start our journey
Move to the same destination
Walking, running or even crawling
Choose your way to reach the finish line

Birth is a freedom
A sign to make a decision
Creating the path to take a step
Building the new door
If the others are closed
You’ll find many questions
You have to choose
Finding the answers or leaving yourself in confussion?

*) P.S. : I’m back again with poem after a week I didn’t write any poem here. Hope you can get at least “small lesson” from this poem.

Insecurities (Confession-Part 5)

photos by Bernard on unsplash.com

Hello, WordPress! I’m back again with the “confession series”. It’s hard enough to find the right time to write in a busy week (yeah, my works are kinda overload this week), but I’ll try my best to come back.

You know, sometimes, our societies today are so judgemental. They perceive something just on the surface not the substances. If they see something “like this” or “like that”, they assume like what they see. If they hear something “like this” or “like that”, they assume like what they hear. They don’t try to find what’s the meaning behind what they see or hear. Therefore, they often trapped in “misleading” information. People who trapped in “misleading information” can have “wrong perspective” in figuring the problems out.

Living in this “judgemental society” and cruel world, sometimes makes me insecure about myself. I know, sometimes I’m kinda overthinking even for an unnecessary thing. When I talk about my overthinking nature, it can’t be separated with my insecurities. Yeah, I often feel insecure about many things, especially myself.

“Am I doing good and right?”

“Do I make right decission? What if the others don’t like it? Would they be mad at me?”

“Could I be helpful to them? Would they like to accept me for who I am?”

Etc.

Honestly, I don’t need all of eyes are always on me. Because too much attentions will annoy and stress me out. But, acceptance is important for me because rejection can break my heart, sometimes.

Insecurities can make me lack of self confidence. It drives me in negative thinking. Learning how to act indifferent is important in this kind of situation rather than focus on what others said about me. Because what they said about me isn’t always right (there’re some people say the truth and I appreciate it. some of the others are just treat me like shit and I don’t care). The other way I often try to relieve my insecurities is self love. Knowing what’s my weakness and strength is the main key of self love. Instead of blaming on my weakness, why don’t I try to accept and embrace it?

We can’t please everyone. So, there’s no urgency to be “people pleaser”. If they like me, thank you. If they don’t like me, I’ll ignore. They can talk anything behind my back, but, I won’t be affected so easily.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy

*) For previous link https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2019/10/08/afraid-of-meeting-new-people-confession-part-4/