My Thoughts on New Year Eve and New Hope for 2020

photo by Rakicevic Nenad from pexels

Every year end, people usually go outside or throw a New Year party to celebrate New Year Eve. But, I prefer to stay at home, having a quality time with my family or watching (marathon) movies or sometimes having a roasted corn and small talk with my close friends rather than go outside and trapped in traffic jam for hours (Yogyakarta, during the holiday season, especially on Christmas and New Year, is so crowded as hell).

When I told it to my coworkers, they just laughed and told me that my life is so pathetic. They often told me to looking for new lover, so my life won’t be too serious and I can be happier (the same shit that always repeating too many times in my ears). Whenever I hear that, I just smirk and “don’t care about shit” because happiness doesn’t need too much requirements. And I’m still living in a happiness even though I’m single haha.

Yeah, I mean I don’t care about how you celebrate New Year. Everyone has their own preference, right? Life is full of perspectives. If you find someone who has different preference or perspective from yours or people in general, you shouldn’t push your standard/value/preference/perspective to fit in him/her.

Not everyone should do like what you or people in general usually do. Life is about making a choice and decision, right? If I want to do ‘this’ or ‘that’, If I don’t want to do ‘this’ or ‘that’, then, it’s my choice, my decision. So, why’d you mind my own business?

2019 and New Hope for 2020

New Year isn’t complete without new hope and resolution. Instead of making unrealistic resolution, I’ll think first of what I have done in 2019. What’s something I should improve or do better? What’s my goal I want to reach next? How can I get there? etc. And I’d like to take a small action but do it consistently.

I’m glad that in 2019 I started blogging on WordPress (personal blog) and Kompasiana (citizen media), even though I couldn’t write or post something everyday. In 2019, I also moved to another company for a new job. I’m glad that I got better company and better boss than before. I hope I can make at least “a small difference and change” from my predecessor.

Sometimes, there’ll be busy day/week/month, so I have limited time to write. But, I still can manage it well when I have more leisure time (when the workloads aren’t much). I hope I can explore and improve my writing skill more in 2020.

WordPress and Kompasiana are like my home. Both of them are my place to escape from frustration. I can find many new friends who have the same vision and value with me. I can learn many things from all of you here and there.

Maybe we’re separated by boundaries, by very far distance, but, our thought and feeling are connected.

Happy New Years, everyone! I hope all of you can have great memories in 2020.

Talk to Stranger

We haven’t met each other. We’re separated by the distance. We’ve just met through blogging community. We often discuss about many things, whether it’s serious and deep things or just joking and small talk.

I know you’re a stranger, and maybe you thought the same about me? When I was still child, my mom told me to be careful and don’t trust stranger so easily. But, are you that dangerous for me?

What my mom said isn’t wrong. I should be aware too. But, sometimes I can talk and share my concerns more freely to the stranger (maybe you guys feel the same) And that’s what I feel when I talk to you. *)

*) note : even though I talk about “specific someone” in this post, but it can be addressed for you all too. Depends on how you perceive it haha 😅

Have a great day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.

Should Meeting Be Held That Often?

photo by Christina Morillo on pexels

I don’t know how many times a meeting should be held in a year/month/week (normally and ideally). I also don’t know if there’s a positive correlation between meeting intensity to employee’s performance and productivity or not.

In the company where I go to work, there’s a new boss. He just joined a few months ago. I don’t know why since this new boss joined, meeting happens almost everyday. I also don’t know what he is doing, what I do know is, since he joined, the stress level between both, staff and managers, is higher than before.

If the meeting is held only once a week, it’s normal. But if it’s done almost every day, is that reasonable? If the meeting is only for a few hours, it’s normal. But if it’s done from morning to evening (almost 8 hours of work is used for meetings) even sometimes more, is that reasonable?

Okay, back when I was a student and active in study club, I also had meetings from morning and finished till night. But it only happens once in one period, which is during a large deliberation. That is a normal thing because during large deliberation, there’s usually discussion of the articles of association and bylaws (this discussion takes a long time because it certainly needs discussion about which articles are retained and which must be changed). On large deliberations, we also choose new leaders and administrators. Remember, it only happens once, not repeatedly.

Today, one of my co-workers was upset because she had to go home late. She is married and has a daughter who is still 10 months old. So, when she gets home late, she must be thinking of her child. Yesterday, I heard she was told to come to the office on Sunday to complete the budgeting report which will be presented at the Monday meeting. Of course she refused it. What’s the reason? Of course, in order to take care of her husband and little daughter. (Eventhough I’m still single, I’ll refuse to do so)


Today I was only supposed to work half a day (only until 1 pm), but due to the end of the month and having to “close November books”, I had to work until 5 pm to finish the monthly report and stock opname. When I was in the parking lot, I was suddenly told to go back to the office to do “extra work” that could actually be done on Monday. I be like, “what the hell is this?!”

One of the front office employees finally asked me like this,

“what exactly were they talking about during the meeting? why is it taking so long? why isn’t it finished from morning until now?”

And I just said to her,

“I don’t know. I also questioned the same thing.”

Sorry, if this article goes wide everywhere. Actually I just expressed my curiosity, should a meeting be held that often? Does it have to be that long? Because if it only happens once or twice a year or six months or a few months, I might be able to understand. But, if it goes on almost every day, is that normal? Sorry for my stupid questions.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy

What is Loyality For?

What is loyality for? If I have to sacrifice my health (both physically and mentally).

What is loyality for? If it makes me “far away” from my family and friends. (Remember, I use ” ” on the word far away).

What is loyality for? If I have to sacrifice my time to rest (my body has its limit. So, if my body is tired, it means I need to take a rest. Honestly, I need to understand what my body wants from me).

What is loyality for? If it makes me “far away” from God? (I need my time to pray regularly)

Sorry, if I’m so selfish. But, I can turn to be selfish when I’m too exhausted of everything or everyone around me.

Poem | Year End Syndrome

image by Breakingpic from Pexels

My head feels heavier
Is it gain some weigh?
Or do I carry too much numbers?
A stack of data
Analyze and Forecasr
Deadline and presentation

Higher pressure
Suddenly everyone gets fussy
Top manager give pressure to middle manager
Middle manager give pressure to supervisor
Supervisor give pressure to the staffs
Then, who’s the staff putting pressure on?

I nag to myself, “why are you so dumb and weak?”
I push her to the edge
She doesn’t accept it
I’m angry

So, should I press myself to reach a maximum point?

Yogyakarta, November 26th, 2019-08.00 p.m.

Poem | Starting Point

image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

An euphoria disappeared slowly
My steps went so far

Those memories that left behind
Our conversations in every corner of this place
Burst out into laughter
The textbooks that we read
The difficult terms I didn’t understand
The theories, laws, code of ethics, formulas, methods
were enough to burn my brain

We won’t stay here forever
We have to go
even though to the different direction
Our graduations weren’t the end
It’s just our starting point

Yogyakarta, November 20th, 2019-08.10 p.m.

*) remembering my graduation 2 years ago

Poem | If I Stop Writing

If I stop writing
My head will explode
Because of too much thoughts

If I stop writing
My heart will break into pieces
Because I can’t take my emotions out

If I stop writing
My day will be worse than ever
Because there’s no place to escape anymore

If I stop writing
It won’t affect your life
But, it’ll affect my condition
You won’t lose anything
But, it’ll be the biggest lost for me

Yogyakarta, November 17th, 2019-06.38 p.m.

*) Notes : I made this poem as a reminder for me when I had to struggle with mood swing, laziness, procrastination, boredom and writer’s block. When I was in those conditions or when I didn’t get enough recognition, I felt like,”should I stop? should I give up?” But, I realized what’s my intention in writing. So, whatever happens, I shouldn’t stop writing. Well, Is there any condition that makes you want to stop writing? How do you get over it? Let me know your stories.

A Hell Called Workplace

image by rawpixel from pixabay

The workplace or office is full of adults from different background, knowledge, skill, experience and personality. Actually, as an adult, they can think and act like adult. Because they’re adults, they should understand the reponsibilty. Adults should know how to distinguish between right and wrong. Their mindset has built up, so, they can take an action and make their own decision.

But, in reality, I always find people (both of employees and bosses) who do not understand their responsibilities, unable to respect others (treated others like robot or machine, not human), put forward their own egos etc.

I have had a boss in my previous workplace that do not understand the rules and procedures. She never wanted to be blamed even though what she actually did was wrong. She’d rather trust the flatterers than those who tell the truth and show her the fact.

And you know, she fired 2 employees from production division and 1 accounting SPV. What surprised me was that the reason for their dismissal wasn’t a logical cause. Not long after they fired, one of my coworker in the same division with me, resigned cause she couldn’t deal with the boss attitude anymore.

When I wanted to resign, the company was looking for my successor. The company asked me to taught her anything that she’d do as her job desc.

After 3 days I accompanied her, I tried to let go of my assistance. And the next day I was forced to come to the office after she had told me that she had been intimidated by the boss. I remembered that she told me while crying back then. Finally, she only worked in the company for 1 week then decided to left.

The workplace should be an arena for healthy competition and collaboration. Not a battlefield between parties who have ‘certain interests’. Not a place for character assassination.

The adult world should not be too much drama. But, in reality, there’re many people who love to create ‘the office dramas’. And I really hate this situation. That’s why I always avoid it. I don’t care if they consider me as indifferent, cold, apathetic and so on. Well, I also don’t like and have no time for those kind of dramas.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy

Living Paradox

photo by Mads Schmidt Rasmussen on

When I’m being quiet, not only means I’m not interested in or I don’t understand. Maybe I’m observing, thinking, relaxing or even angry. There’re a lot of menings behind my silence.

When I’m being chatty, doesn’t mean I’m a chatter box. Cause you’re succeed in making me “out of my shell”. That’s why you can find me as a talkative.

When you think that I’m being cold cause I make a distance too far, it’s a warning that I feel intimidated, uncomfortable and unsafe.

When you think that I’m being open, warm and caring toward you, means you make me relate and connect on the deeper level. When I say that I care about you a lot, yes, I really mean it. I’m not joking or lying.

When you think that I’m being a loner cause you never see me hangout with large group of friends, doesn’t mean I hate being with people. I just prefer to be in “small circle“, so I can pay attention to them easily. (It’s difficult for me to accept and open up to someone new. But, if there’s someone who can attract and connect with me at the first meeting, usually we can be a close friend in the end. And when I got new best friend, I’ll keep him/her and our friendship for my entire life).

When you think that I don’t have friends, cause you often see me going around alone. Well, I just take my time. I need to recharge. I want to see the beauties around me. Feel the warmth of morning sunlight. Breathe in the fresh air. Hear the sound of bird chirping. Being thankful that I’m still healthy and alive.

If you think that you can’t understand me, it’s more confusing for me to understand myself. Just like all of you. I look so complicated not just in front of you, I also feel it inside.

If you think that seems like I have “duality”, well, I think you’re right. Even though most of them don’t recognize it.

Have a great day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.

No Matter How “Easy” Their Jobs, Respect of What They Do!

“What you do isn’t anything”

I don’t know how to respond. I don’t know what should I say. But, I’m kinda triggered and annoyed of what he said to me yesterday. Okay, I think I take it too far. I think I’m too sensitive but I just want to share here (Of course, you can give your opinion here and I’ll respect it). I know, he’s a boss. His position is higher than me. His responsibility is heavier than mine. Maybe my jobs are just a piece of cake for him. I understand that he has more knowledge and experience than mine. But, he’s not me. He doesn’t do my jobs.

Honestly, I don’t like when people think and act that their jobs are harder than everyone else, so they underestimate and disrespect others. Even though it seems that their jobs are easy, it doesn’t mean that the jobs are free from difficulties and problems (I believe it! I don’t know how about you). The company where I go to work has several business units : restaurant, hotel, property and plantations. Because I share a work space with hotel employees (the hotel and restaurant are still in the same building), I often interact with them too, including security officers, janitors, receptionists etc. If I look at my receptionist friend’s jobs at the first glance, their jobs seem so pleasant and relaxed. Seems like their jobs are nothing compared to mine which is related to data, numbers, details, technical, deadline and so on. But, is it the reality they faced everyday? I don’t know. Because I never did it before. So, I don’t want to give a judgement that easily.

I believe that all of jobs, whatever its type, whatever its position, must have difficulties and problems. No matter how small or easy the work done by someone, please, respect them for what they do. No matter how small or easy it is, I believe it always has benefits as long as it’s something good. Because, if there’re not them, who wants to do it?

Have a great day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.