What Would I Learn in My 28’s?

photo by Pixabay

Today, I’m 28. Time flies so fast.

There’s no special thing today. But the most important thing I should be grateful today is I’m still alive. I’m so thankful for every breath I take, every spoon of rice I eat, every drop of water I drink, every good and evil I experience, every smile and tears that accompany me in 28 years of my journey.

Based on my age, everyone knows that I’m legally adult. But, it doesn’t mean I’m more mature in the term of mentality. There’re still many aspects of my life that need to be improved. So, here they are.

Be kind to myself

As a perfectionist person, I admit that it’s kinda stressful. I’ll think and analyze literally everything before take an action or making a decision: every pros and cons, which one is better till the impact for others. Small mistake can make me overthinking for almost a whole fucking day.

Sometimes, my perfectionism is useful in some conditions. But, on the other day, it gives me a hard time.

Some people told me that I’m being too hard on myself and they suggest me to be more relaxed.

Instead of removing my perfectionist persona, I’ll try to control it. I’ll try to be more gentle, kind and nice to myself, especially in my dark days. I’ll try to not belittle myself if I make mistakes or fail on something.

It’s okay to have mistakes as long as I learn how to fix them. At least, I’ve tried.

Be more assertive

Another trait I hate the most about myself is I’m kinda people-pleaser.

Honestly, I find myself difficult to say “no”. Although my intuition gives me a “danger” signal, I often ignore it because I’m afraid of what they’d think or talk about me. And that’s really unhealthy on the certain level.

This kind of trait have trapped me in some toxic relationships in the past, especially romantic relationship.

So, as I’m getting older, I need to learn how to set personal boundaries. I also need to learn to say “no” if I don’t want or like something. Of course, in a proper and respectful way.

Be more chill when someone ask meWhen will you marry?”

One of the things I hate for being an Indonesian girl is you’ll be questioned about marriage when you’re in your 20’s.

When you almost reach 30 and still single, the pressure to get married is getting stronger.

Most of my friends around my age are married. Some of them have baby. Luckily, they never make fun of my status.

My worries come from relatives, especially when we have family gathering during Eid al-Fitr. Lately, they ask me more often if I have boyfriend or not (read: it’s a sign of pressure I told you before). I’d hate them more if they dare to compare my life and status to their youth or anyone else out there.

My parents aren’t like them, but I’m still worried that in the future they’ll do the same because this their unworthy daughter can’t fulfill our social expectations. (I hope they won’t be affected).

Tbh, finding a suitable partner for me can be tiresome because falling in love isn’t an easy thing for me. But, if there’s a man who can make me head over heels to him, I can make him the one and only.

sunset in the beginning of September

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Poem: A Letter from The Past

Please, be kind to yourself
Stop looking for me
Once or twice is okay
Maybe you miss me

Or just want to take a lesson
But, don’t forget to leave soon
Cause I’m no longer your companion
Don’t you dare to bring me to your today and tomorrow
If you don’t let me go, then I’ll be your burden

Sincerely yours,

Your past

Friday afternoon

Women in Our Society: How to Handle The Social Pressure

As a woman myself, I’m so familiar with stereotype, stigma, sexism and discrimination that make women (in general) live under pressure.

Women have to be beautiful, sweet, gentle, soft-spoken, well-manner and obedient.

Women aren’t allowed to be fat or chubby because they’ll look ugly. But, women can’t be too skinny either–because according to some men out there–they’re not nice to hug or sexy enough.

For further reading, check out my latest post on inspirasianakita.com on English Corner section.

Poem | Moonlight

private document

Let’s go out and move our body
following the rhythm of welcome dance
greeting the night with warm embrace

We have enough time to play
enjoying the view that’s not too dark like usual
Let’s laugh together
till the bedtime story come
or a lullaby is sung

Take me go outside this room
to sing and dance under the full moon
Let my bare feet touch the ground
just run and run, since tomorrow is the day off

Under the moonlight,
my eyes will capture its allure
while my mind still call back the memories of childhood

October 10th, 2021

“Welcome to The Club 27! Wish You a Long Live”

source : jogja.tribunnews.com

In the entertainment industry, Club 27 refers to a phenomenon of world musicians and celebs who died at age of 27 years. Starting from Janis Joplin’s death in 1970, who died two weeks after Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison was also found dead by suicide a year later, then it became the main idea behind the creation of Club 27.

In the years after, there’s also some musicians who died at 27, such as Brian Jones (1938), Robert Johnson (1938), Kurt Cobain (1994), Amy Winehouse (2001) till Korean singer and member of SHINee, Kim Jonghyun (2017).

So, what’s the correlation of all I wrote before with today’s topic? Does the author of this post have suicidal thought so she can join Club 27?

No, my dear. Who do you think I am to be at the same club with the world legend?

But, I hope that this isn’t my last post or “good bye message”.

So, what will happen when people reach their 27? Getting older, yes. Coming to late 20’s, of course. Closer to death, absolutely. But, what else?

Research shows that in 27, someone’s body naturally undergoes a biologically inevitable mental decline. Furthermore, the decline to mental disorders can lead to potential depression, such as feelings of sadness, anxiety and emptiness.

Sounds so scary, right? Is it because of the higher expectation and social pressure?

I’ve heard that the expectation and social pressure are getting higher when you reach 27. People will ask more frequently about your achievement in career, wealth and relationship (especially about your love life). For some people, these kind of questions can raise their level of insecurities and hurt their pride. This is why they will be more stress and depress easily.

Well, for the sake of my mental health, I think I should stop comparing myself with others. Because my insecurity exists and to be honest, it’s not easy to always have the right state of mind, then comparing “me in the present” with “me in the past” is better choice. So, what I have done? What I have gone through till today?

First, I care more about my body’s need and health

I used to eat late and skip meals too many times, especially when I was so busy or had many works to do.

I was so lazy to do workout. Meanwhile my work needs me to sit and staring at laptop screen for the damn 8 hours per day. So, yeah, I’m doing the little of physical activities which is not really good for my health. That’s why I need to change that habit.

Second, I try to love and accept myself for who I am

i’m a perfectionist. A little mistake or failure could make me frustrated. I’d blame myself for my mistake or failure.

One day I felt tired for hating and blaming on myself. It made me so sick.

Then I learnt to forgive myself. I embrace all of my mistakes, stupidities and failures. I embrace, cure all of my old pain and said to me, “it’s okay, you did great”.

Third, I could free me from toxic relationship

Almost a year ago, I broke up with my BF. Even we had plans to get married and we’re already knew each other’s parents.

You might ask why’d I broke my relationship if we planned to engage in long term commitment.

Well, I won’t tell you the detail. To be honest, I love him, but, the only thing I can say is surviving and bringing this kind of relationship to marriage will be disaster for us.

Yeah, It might not big changes. But, it’s like an achievement if I can improve some aspects of me or my life. And I have the right to celebrate it once again.

Thanks for reading and have a great day

September 1st, 2021

Are You Free From People’s Expectations?

Photo by Olga from pexels

“No’, might make them angry, but it will make you free. If no one has ever told you, your freedom is more important than their anger”
-Nayyirah Waheed-

What does “freedom” mean to you?

Everyone might have their own definition of “free” or “freedom”.

But, no matter it is, we agree that “freedom” means we are free from subjection. In a nations or country’s case, subjection might appear in various types.

The most important and always be mentioned in our history book is colonialism by other country. Now, there’re modern subjection in economics, ideology–even what we’re facing today–pandemic.

Indonesian Founding Fathers, Bung Karno, has ever said that our struggle might be harder in the future because we have to fight against the internal enemies.
Like a prophecy, what he said becomes reality today. Corruption, poverty, radicalism, hoax spreading and hate speech, are some types of subjection that we’re fighting of.

The most dangerous enemy comes from the internal. From them, who are the closest to us. Even we can be enemies for ourselves.

Well, let me ask you something. Do you realize that your life is surrounded by people’s expectations?

If you said “yes”, then you’re not alone.

Annoyed? Tired? Stress?
Absolutely, yes.

Who’s not tired of fulfilling people’s expectations and be a people pleaser?

First, you have to be realistic and realize that you can’t please everyone. You also can’t force everyone to like you.

In the haters eyes, you’re always be a bad person. No matter how nice, kind or well manner you are, their perception about you won’t ever change.

You don’t need to always agree or say “yes” to their requests. Cause you’re just a human, not Aladdin’s genie or Cinderella’s fairy godmother.

If you want to express your disagree and rejection, make sure that you have valid reasons and strong argument. Then, express it in a respectful way.

If people don’t like of what or how you do, it’s not your business.

Your life is your responsibility. Their life are their responsibilities.

Everyone has an authority to rule and control themselves. Your mindset, your words, your attitude and behavior are things that under your control. Because you’re a leader of yourself.

Other’s mindset, words, attitude and behavior are things that out of your control. So, why are you worrying a lot of the things that you can’t control?

You have right to choose what’s the best for you. You have power to rule and control yourself without always fulfilling people’s expectations. If you can do it all, then, you’ll gain your own freedom.

*) This post is written as a reflection on 76th Independence Day of Indonesia. Hope our homeland will recover soon from its “illness“.

Poem | Footsteps to Haste

photo by Akshaya Premjith from pexels

On your footsteps to haste
On a regret that comes after
Me, my footsteps and those destination
is the same narration with yours


I knew the emptiness in you
There’s a long waiting and an old pain
You’re waiting for helping hands
or a drop of serenity that you feel difficult to find

Everyone will wake up from their long sleeps
In my awareness, I learn about what I have to finish
before giving you an answer
or else I’ll end up swallow my bitter pills

July 19th, 2021 – during the sunset

How I Apply Kaizen Method in My Writing Process

photo by Thought Catalogue on Unsplash

Have you ever had a writer’s block? I think it’s the problem that usually occur to every author.

Then, why could it happen? How do you handle this problem?

In the sector of lean manufacturing industry, this method is well-known and become a widely applied-philosophy by managements in business world. It is known as kaizen method.

Kaizen (derives from the word “kai” means change and “zen” means for the better) is a management method that originated from Japan, and was rooted in the classical Japanese philosophy and ideas. Kaizen philosophy emphasizes on “continuos incremental improvement“. It applies not only in industrial field or management-related things, but also other aspect of life, such as personal life, home life, social life, farming, construction, craftmanship, local government and humanity as a whole.

Many writings are written and published out there. Article, book, journal etc. They might discuss the same issue, topic or problem, but have you tried to find the weakness and criticize the content as well? Have you identified what’s still lacking from the writing?

Nobody is perfect. Same as writing. The weakness can be cause by lack of valid data and fact ,bias interpretation or opinion, contains logical fallacy, no longer relevant to current condition or limited knowledge of the author (especially in non-fiction or popular scientific writings).

So, here are the tips of how I apply kaizen method in my writing process.

  1. Read, read and read
    One of the best way to find ideas and inspirations is reading.
    You can read a book, article, journal, news, magazine etc. Read, then understand and contemplate it.
  2. Criticize the whole content
    After reading, you should identify the weakness so that you’d know what is lacking and how you can fill the “empty” part.
  3. Try to find another point of view
    As I said before, the writings can discuss the same issue, topic or problem. So, you should add “novelty” in your writing.
    Try to find different point of view that is still rare to discuss.
    You can explain it from socio-cultural, economics, environment, art, political and religious aspect (and other aspect). You can tell your own experience (it can be your parents, friends, spouse or others experience as well) if necessary.
  4. Write, write and write
    Just write what’s coming in your mind when everything is ready.
    Do not procrastinate if you really have a chance and time to write or the inspiration will disappear. Beware, inspiration is expensive and valuable.
  5. Check your writing
    Don’t forget to check and edit your writing before clicking the “publish” button.
    Read again your writing and make sure that everything is alright (free from typos, coherence within sentences and paragraphs, use of punctuation and so on). No need to rush.

Well, any other tips you want to add or share? Feel free to share in the comment section below.

Have a great day, everyone!

Poem | Your Birthday

photo by Flora Westbrook from pexels

Do you remember when we sing together out of our breath?
It was long time ago
When we sticked together
Before we choosed to create our own path

I almost play this song today
Like I always did on August
And you’d do the same on September
But, it’s just on our old days
Not today
And never ever again

Yogyakarta, August 3rd, 2020-07.27 p.m.

*) Note : I wrote this poem to remembering my best friend who passed away in the beginning of June 2020. Actually, today is her birthday. Since I miss  her a lot, but can’t congratulate her anymore, I decided to write this poem.