No Need To Be Surprised At People Who Decide Not To Have Social Media Account

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

The use of social media for various purposes has become a part of people’s life from around the world. Young, old, men, women, office workers, housewives, almost everyone has social media account. The trend of using social media continues to change. When I was in Primary School, many people used Friendster. In Middle School, Facebook began to be loved. Not long after Facebook era, Twitter appeared. And now, Instagram seems to be a new trend in the world of social media.

Have you ever thought how could some people not have any social media account in this modern world? Doesn’t it help you to promote your idea, project or product? Doesn’t it help to connect and communicate with people? Doesn’t it help you to make you more popular?

I don’t say that social media aren’t important. But, there are people who refuse to have any social media. George Clooney, Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone, Benedict Cumberbatch, Reza Rahadian are the example of some celebrities that do not have social media. But, people know them for their acting and films.

So, why are there people who don’t want to have social media account?

  1. Keeping up the privacy
    Social media allows you to post or share everything you want. Whether it’s good or bad. Some people lack of caution and can’t control themselves to post something that shouldn’t be posted or shared on social media. Finally, everyone knows. And it can be used by bad people to invade your privacy.
  2. Keeping up the productivities
    Scrolling the timeline, checking notification, liking or leaving comment on someone’s photo when you’re working on something at the same time, really waste your time and energy. It will distract your focus. So, your works will be non optimal.
  3. Maintaining mental health
    United Kingdom’s Royal Society of Public Health published their result of research about the difference of the use of social media on physical and mental health effect, conducted on 1.479 people with an age range 14-25 years old from some region in Great Britain. The results from this survey taken from National Geographic showed that Instagram is potentially giving the worst effect on mental health, compared to other social media, like Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat even YouTube.
    Instagram can be the best place to do cyber bullying, body shaming, creating jealousy, insecurity and anxiety. It doesn’t mean that other social media is free from toxic and annoying people, but, instagram is crazy.
  4. They might be people who have great self esteem and confidence
    Some people use social media for gaining popularity, recognition and applause. But, people with great self esteem and confidence might not need all of them. They have thoughts if they’re being themselves, doing good things to others, then people will know them for who they are. People will know them for what they’re doing without show it off on social media. They’re happy and grateful of what they have and haven’t. They’re happy and grateful of what they do and don’t. Happiness is simple, right?
  5. They might be people who prefer interaction in real life rather than in virtual world
    Sometimes people act differently in real life and virtual world. In vitual world, they appear as nice guy/girl, but being totally bastard in real life. It might happen cause in social media we don’t meet people face to face. So, it’s really possible if we’re being two-faced person. Well, I’m one of those who believe that if you want to know someone is nice or bastard, you need to know how they behave in real life. If you know nothing, don’t trust people you only know from social media easily.
  6. Not good enough in operating technology
    (In Bahasa, we called it “gaptek”)


The debate between pros and cons, controversy and criticism about social media would be longer if I explain it too in this article. So, I’ll stop here and let me explain it on another post.

Have a great day, everyone!

How Hard to Be A Woman

Photo by Catherine from pexels

Make Up

Wearing bold make up : “why do you apply too much?” “Is that a face or drawing book?” “Natural make up is prettier

Wearing natural make up : “you’re so lucky to have such a beautiful face and skin (throwing a jealous stare)

No make up : “woman should know how to look beautiful and presentable

Clothes

Wearing long hijab (for Muslim women) : *being labeled as more religious rather than women who wear shorter hijab*

Wearing niqab (for Muslim women) : *being labeled as terrorist

Wearing revealing clothes : *being labeled as a bitch* -___-

(For this part, I take an example of what have happened (usually) in Indonesia. So, it might be different from your country)

Body Shape or Size

Thick : “you look ugly! you should diet!” (I have a close friend. She has big body. But, her friends, including me, hope that she won’t do (extreme) diet cause she’s already beautiful even with her thick body)

Thin : “do you really have boobs and butt?” (If you ask me this kind of question, let me slap your face with clog)

Feminine vs Tomboy

Loves pink, wears skirt/dress, plays barbie doll, watches romance movie, wears high heels, loves shopping etc : “ew..too girly! not cool” (Tomboy girl feels more superior than girly girl)

Loves black (dark colours), wears jeans, wears sneakers, football lovers, listens to dead metal/punk/rock music etc : “are you really a woman?”

Gentle vs Fierce

Being gentle, innocent, lady-like, elegant : *being labeled as weak, not independent, cry-baby, inferior, submissive, can’t stand up for herself*

Being bold, fierce, brave, independent : “men will be afraid of you. so, please, act like a lady” (Sir/Ma’am, I don’t behave to attract men’s impression cause I’m not an attention seeker)

Working Mom vs StayatHome Mom

Working mom : “You’re so selfish and materialistic

StayatHome Mom : “You waste your degree and achievement just to stay at home” (Although you have good carreer, you still have responsibilty to take care of your husband and children)

Single vs Married

Single : “When will you get married?” (Fyi :If you’re Indonesian woman, at least 25 years old, but you haven’t introduced anyone yet as your boyfriend or future husband to your family, then this question will haunt you like a nightmare)

Married : “when will you have a child?”

Married + 1 child : “when will your son/daughter has sibling?” (Meanwhile their baby is still a month)

Conclusion : Honestly, we live in society which everything is rated based on men’s point of view. Meanwhile, we also live in society which women ‘kill’ each other. We can’t please everyone. So, no need to think that much about what they’re saying. You can disagree of others opinion, but, don’t throw a hate comment. You can have your own standard, but, don’t push others to follow your standard. You can have your own preference, but, don’t push others to follow your preference. Because it might not fit in/doesn’t work on someone who has different culture, habit, social status, religion and so on.

*) notes :

Hijab : a veil worn by Muslim women in the presence of any male outside of their immadiate family, which usually covers the head and chest

Niqab : a garment of clothing that covers the face, except eyes, worn by some Muslim women as a part of particular interpretation of hijab.

An Opinion on Women’s Life (Part 3 : An Open Letter to Women)

Photo by John-Mark Smith on pexels

Dear Women,

All of you are beautiful. No matter what’s your skin color, hair style, short or tall, thin or thick. Don’t let the others dictate you about how the beauty looks like. You better define your own beauty. Don’t trust the beauty standard that much. If you’re more thankful, you’ll start to love yourself. Later, you’ll realize that everyone is special on their own way.

Dear Women,

You aren’t only about your face and body. You have brain. You have talent. You have beautiful heart and soul. You have the right to grow up. You have the right to have your choices. You have the right to learn anything you want. You have the right to be respected. You have the right to be treated equally. You have the right to speak up your mind. Don’t let them underestimate you! Keep your head up and show them who you truly are!

Dear Women,

You might have high academic degree. You might have high salary. You might have high position. But, you need to know your position in your household. Control your ego. Be humble. Respect and obey your husband. Be a good mother to your children.

Dear Women,

Doing chores, cooking, giving the best service to your husband, doesn’t mean you’re his maid. It doesn’t mean that he’s your boss. That’s your responsibilty as a wife. That’s a kind of how you express your gratitude of his sacrifice toward you. Instead of complaining how hard your chores, why don’t you discuss it with your husband? Remember, I said DISCUSS! Not ARGUING! Not FIGHTING! So, please talk to him heart to heart and control your emotions.

Dear Women,

You shouldn’t attack each other just to catch men’s attention. You shouldn’t offend and judge another women who have different opinion, value, choices with you. “Girls compete each other, women empower one another”. So, can you see the difference?

Dear Women,

Don’t hide yourself behind the statement, “lady’s first” when you see an an old man doesn’t get a seat on a public transportation! Cause the one who must be prioritized more is him, not you. How if he’s sick? How if he’s so exhausted and can’t stand up for a long time? How if he’s your own father and he’s treated like that? Just because you’re women, doesn’t mean you must always be prioritized first. There’s time or situation that you should succumb for the common good.

Dear Women,

It’s okay if you hate patriarchy. It’s okay if you hate toxic masculinity. It’s okay if you hate gender inequality. But, if you hate men, I think you should fix your mind. Cause men and women aren’t rival. They’re partner. So, they should be together to make the world a better place to stay.

I wrote this letter not only for you. It’s my self-reminder too. In this world where women haven’t free from sexual harassment, objectification and discrimination yet, I hope women can fight for their rights, but also knowing and taking their responsibilities without too much excuses.

With love and respect,

Luna

An Opinion on Women’s Life (Part 2 : What’s Wrong With Smart Women?)

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from pexels

A smart person always looks more attractive in my eyes.

Some of women are afraid of having dreams, ambitions or just being smart.

Don’t dream too high. Don’t be too smart cause men won’t like you

Don’t dream too high. Don’t be too smart, if you’ll end up getting married and being housewife only

Ironically, those statements are spoken by women too (mostly).

Ok, let me tell you something.

Women must be smart and welleducated. A well-educated person is different from a person who’s attended school and got academic degree. Degree and diploma are just signal that you’ve attended, then graduated from school or university. But, they’re not necessarily show how well-educated you are.

Have you ever known someone who’s not attended school or university, but, her/his knowledge is no joke? Have you ever known someone who’s decided to drop out of school/university, but being successful at very young age? Well, I don’t tell you that school isn’t important. I just want to emphasize that one of characteristics every well-educated people have, are never stop learning from anyone or anything. School, university or whatever you said, is not the only place to study. Every place in this whole world is our school and everyone is our teacher.

Let’s back to the topic!

Smart women always know how to handle and overcome the problem. They know how to put themselves in every place, time and situation. Being smart women have nothing to do with their life choices as a working mom or stay at home mom.

Now, imagine if your husband asks you for your consideration or advice on important and serious thing, then what’d you say to him? Please, don’t say that you’d answer, “up to you”. Because men will be annoyed if you always answerup to youon everything they ask.

Imagine if your children come to you with their innocent yet unpredictable questions, then, how could you explain to them (especially if your children are still underage)? In Islamic beliefs, a mother is the first madrasa for her children. So, how could a mother educate her children, if she has no knowledge at all?

There’s nothing wrong with smart women as long as they stay humble with their smartness. So, women should care about their brain and attitude too. Not only their beauty, make up or fashion. And if you have a boyfriend or crush who can’t appreciate your smartness (for example), I’d say that it’s time to find another man cause he doesn’t deserve you.

Have a great day, everyone. Don’t forget to be happy.

For previous article you can click on https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2020/05/05/an-opinion-on-womens-life-part-1-working-mom-vs-stay-at-home-mom/

An Opinion on Women’s Life (Part 1 : Working Mom vs Stay at Home Mom)

In Indonesia, we always celebrate Kartini’s Day every April 21st. I know it’s so late, but, it’s okay to write this topic today. As long as there’re women who are discriminated, labelled or stigmatized, I have the right to speak up anything about it. Anytime, anywhere.

First, I don’t want to claim myself as a feminist. Because I think I can speak up anything I care/interest/know about without labelling myself. And I won’t force you to agree with what I write here.

Ok, then. Back to the title.

Woman is a multirole creature. They can be daughter, sister, wife, mother, member of society, citizen of country even a leader of the group/organization/institution/country. Woman is a multitasking person too. Have you ever seen a woman who’s doing chores while holding her baby? That’s one of a proof.

Today, women have the same opportunity to get better education and pursue their career. Then, the debate between working mom vs stay at home mom appears on public.

Working mom often assume that stay at home mom waste their knowledges, talents, degrees, achievements, opportunities etc. Meanwhile stay at home mom assume that working mom are too ambitious, selfish and not taking care of their families well. Sometimes, stay at home mom use religious dogma (I won’t mention certain religion here cause I don’t want to stereotyping them) to offend working mom. Meanwhile working mom, sometimes, use feminism issues to strike back.

Well, instead of arguing, why don’t we support and respect each other’s choice?

Like I said before, woman is a multi-role creature. Women have the right to choose what’s the best for their life and future. Whether they choose to be working mom or stay at home mom, they could have gone through an uneasy inner conflict. We might not know how hard the pressure they’re received from family or society.

So, if you’re lucky enough to be surrounded by supportive people and enviroment (parents, siblings, partner, friends, etc), that’s great. But, how about them, who are raised in very conservative family and society?

Have a great day, everyone. Don’t forget to be happy.

A Hell Called Workplace

image by rawpixel from pixabay

The workplace or office is full of adults from different background, knowledge, skill, experience and personality. Actually, as an adult, they can think and act like adult. Because they’re adults, they should understand the reponsibilty. Adults should know how to distinguish between right and wrong. Their mindset has built up, so, they can take an action and make their own decision.

But, in reality, I always find people (both of employees and bosses) who do not understand their responsibilities, unable to respect others (treated others like robot or machine, not human), put forward their own egos etc.

I have had a boss in my previous workplace that do not understand the rules and procedures. She never wanted to be blamed even though what she actually did was wrong. She’d rather trust the flatterers than those who tell the truth and show her the fact.

And you know, she fired 2 employees from production division and 1 accounting SPV. What surprised me was that the reason for their dismissal wasn’t a logical cause. Not long after they fired, one of my coworker in the same division with me, resigned cause she couldn’t deal with the boss attitude anymore.

When I wanted to resign, the company was looking for my successor. The company asked me to taught her anything that she’d do as her job desc.

After 3 days I accompanied her, I tried to let go of my assistance. And the next day I was forced to come to the office after she had told me that she had been intimidated by the boss. I remembered that she told me while crying back then. Finally, she only worked in the company for 1 week then decided to left.

The workplace should be an arena for healthy competition and collaboration. Not a battlefield between parties who have ‘certain interests’. Not a place for character assassination.

The adult world should not be too much drama. But, in reality, there’re many people who love to create ‘the office dramas’. And I really hate this situation. That’s why I always avoid it. I don’t care if they consider me as indifferent, cold, apathetic and so on. Well, I also don’t like and have no time for those kind of dramas.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy

Writer’s Dilemma : Principles and Idealism vs Market Taste

photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexel.com

There’s a romance novelist I knew on blogging community shared her thought and concern about sex and violence scenes in popular romance stories, especially on platform, like wattpad and fanfiction.net. In her opinion, that scene is too vulgar and she worried if it’d damage the youngster’s moral and mentalities, especially underage readers. Okay, I don’t want to talk about “eastern culture” or “moral and ethic” here, because the explanation will be longer and kinda risky in rising a heated argument. But, yeah I know what she feels cause I have the same worries. As a romance novelist, she regretted the creativity of romance story writers whom she considered to be limited only to sex and violence scenes.

She also regretted why romance stories with the nuances of sex and violence became more popular and loved by many people. When she shared her opinion, one of her friend called her as “moralist” (in a mocking tone).

Moralist (n) is a person who has strong ideas about moral principles, especially one who tells people how they should behave
(Oxford Advanved Learner’s Dictionary)
I wonder what’s wrong if someone is considered as moralist? Please, tell me if it’s good or bad!

Have Your Own Principles and Idealism

Every writer must have uniqueness and writing style. Our writing style usually almost similar with the way we talk. If you try to copy others writing style, even he/she is your role model, your writing seems has no soul. Because you write like others, not yourself.

Principles and idealism in writing are also important owned by every writer. My blogger friend that I’ve told you about at the beginning, has the principle and idealism not to include sex and violence scene in her works (even drugs and alcoholic drinks are shown only a little as an explanatory, not a major element).

There’s another blogger friend who’s more senior (both age and experience) , always including his personal experiences as real examples of what he wrote. His writings are rich in life wisdom and very characterized (he’s already three quarters of a century old, so his life experiences are numerous).

I have principles and idealism in writing, which is not only able to entertain but also educate, both myself and others. I also maintain the principles of simplicity, honesty and sincerity in writing. I don’t want my writing is only about bundle of words, but also has meaning and able to touch others heart or make others brain work to think, even though only 1 or 2 people.

Idealism vs Market Taste

An idealist writer often find dilemma between maintain the idealism or follow the market taste. If you’re an Indonesian, I’m sure you know how’s the quality of our TV programs today, especially shitnetron (I mean sinetron) and FTV. I have ever read an article that contained interviews with some sinetron and FTV script writers. They claimed to the media that their scripts often have to be revised because the scripts were considered as “too intelectual” so people will find it difficult to understand. “People” referred to here is the lower middle class and uneducated people.

For me, there’re 2 things I want to criticize. First, this country actually never lack of smart and creative script writers. But they’re forced to meet market tastes and pursue ratings, that’s why they’re being forced to sacrifice their principles and idealism. Secondly, if the target is lower middle class and uneducated people, can’t they produce entertainment programs with “better quality” but still entertaining? “A better quality” doesn’t mean it must be “too intelectual”. Got the point?

Okay, back to the topic. Honestly, I’m sad yet embarassed to know how pitiful the readers tastes (and TV viewers) in this +62 country. I’m sorry, I do not intended to humiliate my country itself. Like a TV programs, can’t romance writers write love stories that aren’t vulgar but still romantic? Love is universal language besides music, so, don’t narrow the meaning of love with such ragged romance stories like that. And love must not only be shown by sexual desire. Only narrow minded people who think that sex is the only way to show how you love someone.

Writing love stories that fit in market tastes (applies to any type and genre of writing) will probably bring more popularity and money. So, should our principles and idealism be traded with those kind of things?

Have a great day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.

Why Do Poets Love Silence?

source by Henryk Niestroj from pixabay.com

Writing is an activity that needs good concentration. That’s why writing often can’t be done when the surrounding is too noisy. Noises can disturb their focus. Usually, midnight or early morning are their productive and maybe favorite times because at that times, the atmosphere is still not too noisy and crowded. The surrounding hasn’t fully awaken yet.

I have my favorite times for writing. I usually do it in the early morning (around 04.00 a.m.-07.00 a.m.) before I go to work or in the evening (around 08.00 p.m.-midnight) before I sleep. I often find some writing ideas or isnpirations at that times, so I called it as “time for ideas explosion”.

I think silence is like a “bestfriend” for writers in general, and poets in particular. For me, I love silence because I can be more “powerful”, productive and creative, so I can do contemplation and catch some inspirations before I write it down. I also can catch the feels and vibes from silence, so it gives me “power” to write a poem.

Silence seems gives birth to many poems through the poets’ hands. If you realized, actually a lot of my poetry tells about silence, whether the poetry I’ve writte on WordPress or the other site. The same thing I found not only in my poetry but also in others’ poetry. For poets, silence is often treated like “human” who can do human’s activities and has feeling. Silence is often treated like a “bestfriend” who always accompany you in every happiness and sadness. Silence is often treated like a “lover” who you can cuddle with.

Silence is love. Silence is power. Silence is inspirations. Silence is bestfriend. Silence is lover. So, what do you think? Do you need silence to create your amazing artwork (especially writing)? Or you’re the typical person who can work well on every condition and atmosphere?

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.

Freedom of Art

source : pixabay.com

Art was created to break the standard and barriers which are sometimes too rigid and conservative. This can’t be separated from its nature which is one of the best way to express human feelings. Art is identical with creativity and imagination. As we all know, creativity and imagination can’t be limited. As long as inspirations or ideas are still exist, our brains still work well, our heart still can feel the beauty, then creativity and imagination will never die. Inspiration is the fuel. Five senses are like the camera which capture every inspiration that comes to us. Brain and heart are the place where the inspiration takes a process. Our body will execute it to be a beautiful art (it can be visual art, audio art or audio-visual art).

Art is about freedom, beside beauty. Because of this nature, art is difficult to be assessed and perceived. I could say that there’s no absolute assessment and perspective to assess and perceive an artwork. There’s no right and wrong in assessing an artwork because it’s not science. There’s no good and bad because it’s not about morale, ethic or manner. I have ever said in my other post that there’re only beautiful and very beautiful in art. This opinion belongs to my music teacher in high school. She said it in the beginning of her lessons when we were still 10th grader. And I still take her words as my principle and guidelines until now.

But, on the other side, freedom of art needs an honesty. Art is an expression of human feelings, so, what you feel will determine how your artwork looks like. Human feelings can’t be manipulated. Your mouth can lie, but your heart can’t. You might show your smile, so, people would see you as a happy person. But, does your heart feel that happiness too? Only you and God know what you feel in the bottom of your heart. Because art is an honest expression, then, art shouldn’t be forced and controlled by certain parties to merely fulfill their interests, so, it can damage the meaning and values of the art itself. Every art is beautiful and delicate. But, how beautiful of an artwork depends on the ability to describe the reality and touch human feelings. *)

*) this short article is just my random thought in the middle of running out of ideas.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy

Everyone Deserves Love

source by Ben Kerckx on pixabay.com

Have you ever fallen in love? How do you feel? You’ll feel joy, content and heart racing just to see his/her smile everyday. Every little thing they do seems so cute,sweet and special to you.

Have you ever broken heart? How do you feel? When you’re broken hearted, what you’ll feel is the opposite of how you feel when you fall in love. You can be broken hearted because of break up or one-sided love. But, broken heart can give you many life lessons to be stronger and careful in the future. As long as you can forgive yourself, receive your past and take the lessons with positive mind. Never face a broken heart with self blaming, self harm or suicide.

Actually, broken heart is a risk or “side effect” of falling in love. If you fall in love and even brave enough to confess your feeling to your crush, you have to be ready when he/she give you a disappointing answer. When you decided to be in relationship, you maybe face a break up or you want to take the relationship to another level (read : marriage) in the end. That’s also a risk or “side effect” of getting in relationship.

There’s no standard in defining the meaning of love. If you often hear that music is universal language, there’s one more thing that can be considered as universal language. What is it? Yes, it is love! I believe that love is the best gift from God. He created us with love. He is showering us with love everytime and everywhere. Therefore, humans are “love creatures” so, it’s really normal if they want to love and be loved. Everyone deserves love. No matter who you are. No matter what your life background. Love doesn’t only happen between the two lovers, but also happen between children and parents, between students and teachers, between sisters and brothers, between friends or best friends, between humans and animals and plants, between humans and nature even between humans and God. All of you are precious and deserve love. And don’t forget to always love yourself. Because no one can love you as well as yourself.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.