Are You Free From People’s Expectations?

Photo by Olga from pexels

“No’, might make them angry, but it will make you free. If no one has ever told you, your freedom is more important than their anger”
-Nayyirah Waheed-

What does “freedom” mean to you?

Everyone might have their own definition of “free” or “freedom”.

But, no matter it is, we agree that “freedom” means we are free from subjection. In a nations or country’s case, subjection might appear in various types.

The most important and always be mentioned in our history book is colonialism by other country. Now, there’re modern subjection in economics, ideology–even what we’re facing today–pandemic.

Indonesian Founding Fathers, Bung Karno, has ever said that our struggle might be harder in the future because we have to fight against the internal enemies.
Like a prophecy, what he said becomes reality today. Corruption, poverty, radicalism, hoax spreading and hate speech, are some types of subjection that we’re fighting of.

The most dangerous enemy comes from the internal. From them, who are the closest to us. Even we can be enemies for ourselves.

Well, let me ask you something. Do you realize that your life is surrounded by people’s expectations?

If you said “yes”, then you’re not alone.

Annoyed? Tired? Stress?
Absolutely, yes.

Who’s not tired of fulfilling people’s expectations and be a people pleaser?

First, you have to be realistic and realize that you can’t please everyone. You also can’t force everyone to like you.

In the haters eyes, you’re always be a bad person. No matter how nice, kind or well manner you are, their perception about you won’t ever change.

You don’t need to always agree or say “yes” to their requests. Cause you’re just a human, not Aladdin’s genie or Cinderella’s fairy godmother.

If you want to express your disagree and rejection, make sure that you have valid reasons and strong argument. Then, express it in a respectful way.

If people don’t like of what or how you do, it’s not your business.

Your life is your responsibility. Their life are their responsibilities.

Everyone has an authority to rule and control themselves. Your mindset, your words, your attitude and behavior are things that under your control. Because you’re a leader of yourself.

Other’s mindset, words, attitude and behavior are things that out of your control. So, why are you worrying a lot of the things that you can’t control?

You have right to choose what’s the best for you. You have power to rule and control yourself without always fulfilling people’s expectations. If you can do it all, then, you’ll gain your own freedom.

*) This post is written as a reflection on 76th Independence Day of Indonesia. Hope our homeland will recover soon from its “illness“.

Short Poem | Rise and Downfall

photo by Gerd Altmann from pixabay

How many times do I have to die?
so that I’ll know how’s being alive in a place and time
among the changes and pressures
Let me switch my soul with the new one
as a redemption
and a sign that I never forget to rise after my downfall

May 21st, 2021

Poem | What’s Growing Up?

photo by Luca Baggio on unsplash

What’s growing up?
Elders told me to change
Told me that I should take care of myself
Arrange my mind
Repair my broken heart and soul

What’s growing up?
Motivator and self-development books told me to step out of the comfort zone
Should I swim across the ocean?
Should I jump from 160-floors building?
I don’t think I need to enter the dangerous zone
cause it already came on my way

What’s growing up?
If my age and mentality don’t match at all
I refuse to be called “little kid”, but my mentality says otherwise

How far the distance between my goals and the place I stand stiil?
My growth became the bridge that connects them
But, I can’t count how far I take a step
cause I don’t care about the distance
I’ll crawl, walk or run, whatever I want
No matter how far

Yogyakarta, December 24th, 2019-06.59 a.m.

Insecurities (Confession-Part 5)

photos by Bernard on unsplash.com

Hello, WordPress! I’m back again with the “confession series”. It’s hard enough to find the right time to write in a busy week (yeah, my works are kinda overload this week), but I’ll try my best to come back.

You know, sometimes, our societies today are so judgemental. They perceive something just on the surface not the substances. If they see something “like this” or “like that”, they assume like what they see. If they hear something “like this” or “like that”, they assume like what they hear. They don’t try to find what’s the meaning behind what they see or hear. Therefore, they often trapped in “misleading” information. People who trapped in “misleading information” can have “wrong perspective” in figuring the problems out.

Living in this “judgemental society” and cruel world, sometimes makes me insecure about myself. I know, sometimes I’m kinda overthinking even for an unnecessary thing. When I talk about my overthinking nature, it can’t be separated with my insecurities. Yeah, I often feel insecure about many things, especially myself.

“Am I doing good and right?”

“Do I make right decission? What if the others don’t like it? Would they be mad at me?”

“Could I be helpful to them? Would they like to accept me for who I am?”

Etc.

Honestly, I don’t need all of eyes are always on me. Because too much attentions will annoy and stress me out. But, acceptance is important for me because rejection can break my heart, sometimes.

Insecurities can make me lack of self confidence. It drives me in negative thinking. Learning how to act indifferent is important in this kind of situation rather than focus on what others said about me. Because what they said about me isn’t always right (there’re some people say the truth and I appreciate it. some of the others are just treat me like shit and I don’t care). The other way I often try to relieve my insecurities is self love. Knowing what’s my weakness and strength is the main key of self love. Instead of blaming on my weakness, why don’t I try to accept and embrace it?

We can’t please everyone. So, there’s no urgency to be “people pleaser”. If they like me, thank you. If they don’t like me, I’ll ignore. They can talk anything behind my back, but, I won’t be affected so easily.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy

*) For previous link https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2019/10/08/afraid-of-meeting-new-people-confession-part-4/

Keep Everything to Myself (Confession-Part 3)

source by Ulrike Mai from pixabay.com

Sometimes, I’m kinda jealous of those who are more expressive in their way of speaking and acting. Because it seems like they have no fears about everything. They know the art of “I dont care ’bout shit” and can apply it perfectly.

Sometimes, I’m kinda jealous of those who are more talkative. Because they can lighten up the mood. They never lack something to talk about. That’s why their existences are always be accepted and loved by many people. In every discussion or meeting, they always be heard, even though what they said was non-sense. It’s so contrast to those who are quiet and shy. They are often ignored just because they don’t talk too much and prefer to be a good listeners. We seem more interested to “good speaker” rather than “good listener” because we think that a good speaker is more attractive. Am I wrong?

Yeah, I’m a quiet and shy person. I often feel socially awkward when I have to try to meet and interact with new people. And I’m not a person who can open up and accept new people into my life so easily. Don’t get me wrong! It doesn’t mean I hate them. I just want to know first if those people can make me comfortable around them or not. I just want to know first if those people are kind and trustworthy enough or not. Like I said in my previous post, I’m very sensitive person. Believe it or not, my sensitivity can be so reactive when it comes to “read people”. If I found someone who can make me feel safe and comfortable around, I can be more talkative and expressive in front of them, even though we’re just met for the first time. But, if I couldn’t find someone like that, I can be so quiet, cold and sometimes…afraid of him/her.

So, there’re 3 reasons why I always keep everything to myself. First, because I feel uncomfortable with someone. Second, because I have trouble in finding someone who can be trusted. Third, no one wants to listen and undestand me well.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.

*) P.S.: I make small challenge for myself to confess my bad traits through writing and publish it. I do not mean to blame on myself because everyone has their own flaws. I do not mean to seek the attention and sympathy from others because I just want to reflect on myself, so I’ll know what I have to change and what changes I’ve made. If you want to check my previous writing, https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2019/10/05/glass-heart-confession-part-2/

See you on next parts!

Glass Heart (Confession-Part 2)

source by Marcela Bolivar on pixabay.com

I think it’s my biggest weakness among all weaknesses I have. On the other side, it can be my strength even though people only see it as a weakness. So, I could say that it’s my weakness and strength at the same time. Depends on the situation and condition. But, how come?

Honestly, my heart is so fragile. I’m a sensitive person who’s offended easily. . Just one word or rude behaviour you do, can make me offended (can even be remembered for a lifetime and become a grudge in my heart). I can’t handle when someone treated me so harshly. Destructive critics and rejection can make me stress and frustration. That’s why I often call myself as a “glass-hearted” person because my heart is broken easily like a glass when it’s getting hit. If you’re Indonesian, you can consider it as “baperan”.

But on the other hand, I feel it could be an advantage for me. I became more careful in my words and actions, so it’d not hurt anyone. Because I know how it feels when someone treated you like a shit. I know how it feels when there’s nobody accept who you truly are. With my glass heart, I know how to speak or act to comfort others when they’re up and down.

I realized that my overly sensitive nature was not good for me, especially in social activities and interactions with others. Since I started growing up, I learned to use my logic besides feelings. For me, logic and feelings should complement and balance each other. My overly sensitive nature may be due to lack of using my common sense. I overused my feelings. And to prevent the damage of my over sensitivity, I learn to act indifferent to those who try to mess up with me.

Have a great day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.

*) P.S.: I make small challenge for myself to confess my bad traits through writing and publish it. I do not mean to blame on myself because everyone has their own flaws. I do not mean to seek the attention and sympathy from others because I just want to reflect on myself, so I’ll know what I have to change and what changes I’ve made. If you want to check my previous writing, https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2019/10/04/i-dont-want-to-fall-in-love-easily-confession-part-1/

See you on next parts!

Poem | I Love Silence But Afraid of Being Lonely

source by Dominik Schroder on unsplash.com

Empty
Silence
Crowded in my head
Did I build a big city on it?
Did you hear any voices?

Empty
Silence
Crowded in my heart
Did I play a music?
Did you hear any voices?

Empty
Silence
I’m a mess
Taking a deep breath
Drowning in contemplation
Silence knocks my door
Lonely welcomed
I’m afraid…

Yogyakarta, September 27th, 2019-07.44 p.m.


Poem Makes Me More Honest to Myself

source by rawpixel on pixabay.com

I used to think that someone could be more poetic when he/she fall in love and broken heart. Is it true? After I had an interaction with poem for several months ago, I realized that it could be true and not (It depends on the person and what he/she write about). The opinion isn’t completely wrong, but also not completely right. How come?

I said it’s not completely wrong because from my observation (I’m sorry if I can’t mention the exact number or percentage accurately because it’s not for survey or research purpose), there’re many great poems was born from the hands of poet who’re in love or broken heart. Especially if someone who’s broken hearted failed to move on. Beside poems about fall in love and broken heart, there’s one more poem that often left deep impression on me. Poems about longing. (Falling in love and broken heart aren’t complete without longing).

But, I said that it’s not completely right because there’re also many poems were created out of social issues concern. There’re poems about nationalism. There’re poems about the beauty of nature that can increase our admiration for His greatness. And many more, outside the falling in love and broken heart topics.

Regardless of whatever the poem’s theme was written on, a poem still has the special place in my heart. Like what you see on the title, that’s one of reasons why poem is special for me. All good and bad experiences, regret and mistakes in the past, dream and hopes in the future, something I don’t/want to do, imagination, gratitude, longing etc. I can tell about them all in my poem. I can capture the beauty of life through my poem. I can capture life’s problem through my poem. I always feel relieved after making a confession through my poem. I find and define myself through my poem. It feels like a therapy for me.

Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.

My Journey to 100 Posts

source : screenshoot from mobile phone

Reading and writing are like breath to me. I love reading and writing since I was in primary school. When I was in middle and high school, I joined journalistic club which suits my interests in writing. Even when I entered college, I still wrote for campus bulletin or magazine sometimes. But, I’ve never submitted or published my works in media that allows more people to read. The classic reason I often use : I’m shy and afraid. So, my writing is only known and read limitedly.

Then, because I was too focused on my study, I spent 3 years without writing at all. I came back again in the beginning of 2019 after experiencing internal battle with my inner self. But, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to start again after 3 years hiatus. I felt like my writing skill is gone.

In the middle of March 2019, I dared myself to start blogging on wordpress. It’s not easy for me to attract and gain the readers. But, it’s not the only difficulties I have to face. Lack of inspirations, writer’s block, inconsistency, laziness, procrastination, mood swings even fears are the things I have to fight and conquer.

Previously, I wrote my posts on this blog in my own language (Indonesian). One time, I tried to write in English then posted it here. I found out that I could gain more readers than before (mostly international readers). Then, I repeated it several times till someday I found that my posts got pretty positive responses from readers. That’s why, I always write my posts in English here.

source : screenshoot of my 100th post on wordpress

I also joined online community writing and writer’s forum in one of online media in my country to learn more from senior and professional writers there. Since then, I always learn to write in 2 languages at once : Indonesian (on community writing and writer’s forum) and English (on wordpress).

Whether it’s on community writing, writer’s forum or wordpress, all of them give me chance to connect with others from different background (on wordpress I could communicate with many international bloggers). All of bloggers I’ve ever interacted with, left different impressions on me. They have their own characteristics, styles and uniqueness in expressing their thoughts and emotions. Honestly, I got many inspirations from them (you guys are the best!!! ^-^).

Last but not least, I’d like to say “thank you” for your supports and appreciations to me. Without you, my site won’t go this far. I’m sorry if my writing still suck and bore you to the death. I know I’m not that good T_T. Well, I’ll end it with a poem. Here it is.

100

Full, crowded, noisy
Is my head going to explode?
Is my heart going to burnt?
Let them out of your head
Let them out of your heart
Let them stick on this blank page

I didn’t know what to do
till I found you
100 posts since March
100 posts with rise and fall
100 times fall but 1000 times rise

I have no words to left anymore
except “thank you” and “i love you”

Have a great day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy

*) Notes : If you have any critics/advices/opinions/anything about my writings, you can tell me on the comment section below.

Poem | Reflection on Eid al-Adha

source : news.detik.com

If you want to hear an orchestra whose the echoes are heard all over the world, then listen to that voice.

Allahu akbar Allahu akbar
La ilaha illallahu Allahu akbar
Allahu akbar walillahilham

The universe watches,
listens,
participates in praising Him The Greatest
knock our hearts to contemplate
to look at ourselves
how far do we follow the Prophet Muhammad’s Sunnah?
how far do we emulate the Prophet Ibrahim’s observance
and Prophet Ismail sacrifice?

Just take your time
at least few minutes
to look at yourself
to listen to your heart
are you still being a slave to your lust?

Yogyakarta, August 11th, 2019-09.48 a.m. -on Eid al-Adha

May Eid al-Adha be a momentum for us to get rid of our selfishness and arrogance towards others.

Warm regards.