Why do I have to put a smile,if all I want is crying? I won’t run out of tears cause I keep it for a reason that you might know or not except I sell it for the sake of attention
I regret and thankful of what you’ve created I hate and love every footstep you’ve left Never disappeared even though dry and wet months always change Is forgetting really necessary?
My memory isn’t good enough to memorize every single A to Z But, you could force me to remember those pains with every detail and piece of your act You taught me to forgive to make a peace and accept the fact that I should raise the white flag so you could attack But, I won’t For sure
Boiling anger heated in the heart whether by an injured ego or just a spark of jealousy Not only once and not the first time “How manytimesdoyouhavetoseta fireandthrowmeto yourflames, tillI turn into ashes?“
ShouldI start my morning with a cup ofblackcoffeethatlostitssmell, beforeI seta fireto burn the fog blanket, thatwrapmybodywithcoldness?
Sleeping pills can’t beat me no matter how much I can take everyday a nightmare becomes too real like I watch it on TV I try to press pause, skip or stop button on a remote control that I hold now in my hand
But, I’m trembling A remote control is slipped of my grip Take it! Before a monster steal it and control my steps to the edge of the hell
I’m tired of this warning that always be doctrine to steal ‘me’ from myself
In the name of safety, modesty or men’s authority the laws told me to bow 90 degree in front of Your Majesty to protect my dignity
Cause I have no place to stay Heaven is only for a lovely lady who doen’t mind to trade her choice becoming a slave under your feet so you can’t be dethroned
But, I’m too rebel Not a good girl who you can handle So, you have to be with an angel Cause I’ll back to the hell except I can win over this battle
Yogyakarta, July 14th, 2020-08.43 a.m.
*) Note : A word ‘pledoi’ comes from Dutch, ‘pleidooi’, which means defense. In law field, pledoi is a term that refers to the last attempt of the defendant or attorney to defend the client’s rights, defend the truth he believes in, according to the evidences that revealed in the court.