Don’t Pity On Me

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Is it hard to tell the truth?
Is it hard to be honest?

I don’t want you to carry those heavy weights
on your shoulder
on your mind
on your heart
Let it go
and erase your burden

Do your words got stuck in your throat?
Are you choking on your words?
Please, say something to me
Please, answer me : “Am I doing right or not?”
Don’t pity on me
cause you have the right to “like” or “dislike”
Don’t pity on me
cause you have the right to say “yes” or “no”

You don’t need to sugarcoat the fact and reality
although they can be cruel and hurtful
but, it’s better than a sweet lie
cause actually it’s so poisonous
and a poison is always deadly even though as sweet as any

Yogyakarta, August 8th, 2019-08.36 a.m.

5 Things I Hate to Hear The Most From People

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No one likes to be compared. Whether it’s compared to your own siblings or others. But it seems like humans really love to compare the one to another. Comparing A with B, B with C, C with D and so on.

Humans are also very prejudiced. Just because it “looks like that” from the outside, then they are prejudiced based on what they see. They often don’t want to bother to look further and deeper when judging someone/something. Maybe this is what causes many people to get caught up in binary logic. If it’s not true means false, if it’s not black means white etc.

I often hear people say these things to me. I always try to be cool and don’t care about sh*t. But, sometimes it makes me explode and want to throw my hands on their faces. They say and act like they are the people who know me the most.

  1. “You don’t look excited about the things you do”– Okay, maybe I know why people often say that to me. It’s because I have cool, calm and quiet vibes from the outside (it’s so different with my younger sister and brother who has more cheerful, bright and bubbly personality), so I don’t seem to be enthusiastic about doing anything. They often misunderstood me as a person who lack of fighting spirit. In fact, I have passion and fighting spirit to achieve what I want in life. I know what I want and don’t. I know what I can do and can’t. I just don’t express it by telling what I feel to everyone and choose to express it with hard and smart work.
  2. “You don’t work enough” – Just because of the quantity, I considered not trying enough. *sigh* Actually, I’m more concern about quality over quantity when I work on something. Many and good quality, it’s okay. Many but poor quality, it’s useless. This thing also applies in utilizing my time when working. I’m often seen as doing nothing just because I look more relaxed when others are busy. It doesn’t mean I didn’t do anything, but, I just don’t want to waste too much energy. That’s why I always make priority scale on everything I do. I’ll do it from the most important and urgent part first to the most unimportant and not urgent part. Time management plays important role in it.
  3. “You take too much time on thinking/doing/deciding…” – Tbh, sometimes it makes me dilemma, awry and pissed off at the same time. I admit that I’m kinda perfectionist. That’s why I have pretty high standard on something/someone. When there’s an important thing (especially if it’s related to mutual interests), I need to take my time to thinking/doing/deciding it before I make a decision. I just don’t want to harm myself or anyone else. They often blame on me because they thought I was too slow. But, when I made a decision faster, they blame on me for not thinking about it first. They told me that I was too hurry. So, what should I do? What do you want from me?
  4. “You have to speak more. Don’t be quiet!” – I think it’s the hard (if it’s not the hardest) job of being an introvert. (Any introvert here? Can you relate to this kind of situation?). I’m not a person who’s easy to open up myself to others especially new people I’ve just met for the first time. Why? Because I need time to observe and judge whether he/she’s good or bad person? Can he/she makes me comfortable around him/her or not? I’m so bad (read : can’t) at chit-chatting. I prefer to be quiet and be a good listener when people around me start talking about the hottest celebrity’s gossip of this week, promos and discounts at the nearest mall, makeup and clothing style of other friends or gossip about friends who have just dated or broken up with someone. Honestly, I don’t care about other’s private life because it’s not my business. And I hate gossiping others. But, I can be talkative when people talk to me about social issues, mental health, music, art etc that attracts my attention and interests. So, I hate it when people forced me to speak up.
  5. “You should be like (insert parents/siblings/friends/others name)…” – My answer is only one, “why should I be like them?”. I’m not my parents in mini or young version. I’m not my younger brother/sister. I’m not my friends. I’m not them all. I’m me, myself and I. I’m unique and special on my own way (so are you). No one can change my mind. That’s it!

Are there other things you hate to hear from others about you?

Have a great day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy!

[Self-Reflection] Happiness On Social Media

What are you looking for?

Making your face brighter, more red lips or looks like you have slim figure. Actually, you have no that looks. Huh, it’s a lie, dear! How could you do that?

Taking a photo of what eat today, with an instagramable serving or background behind you.

Posting your romantic Saturday Night photos with your boyfriend/girlfriend, with a #relationshipgoals (I wonder what’s the meaning of relationship goals itself) Although you’ll feel difficult to delete all the photos later or posting a broken-heart status when you break up.

Showing off of your branded items you’ve bought. Making others jealous and craving to have it even though they have no enough money. Maybe it’s not their needs, just for rising their prestige if they can have it.

Showing off of your new workplace in multinational or international company, claiming “that’s what success looks like”. If others haven’t already reach your level, then you underestimate them. Actually, you don’t know that everyone else is doing something on their dreams. Have I ever told you that “life isn’t a races?” Everything needs a process, dear! There’s no instant process. A process needs your sacrifice (time, money, mental strength or maybe your emotions). And there’s no fix standard on describing “success”.

So, what are you looking for?

Recognition? Compliments? Comments? Like?

Then, what will happen to you if you don’t get all of them?

If you describe what you see on social media as a happiness, what about people that prefer to keep it themselves? Just posting a certain photo or sharing a certain moment at least one or two times in a month. Aren’t they happy with their life?

You can’t see what happiness looks like. You can’t smell, taste or touch it. You only can feel it in your deepest heart.

*) Sorry, if it makes you feel triggered or uncomfortable cause I’m kinda sick of what happened on social media today. Have a great day everyone! Don’t forget to be happy 😊

Yogyakarta, June 12th, 2019-06.38 a.m.