Do you wanna see what inside my heart?
So, you’ll know what my fear looks like
Here, I keep your secrets from the past
which haunt me
cause you’re so far away
Trying to put the doubt in
or just burn the jealousy in my chest
I hate the distance
that gives a chance to her and you
to meet in the same room
But, I hate the chance more
that gives you a possibility to replay an old romance
Yogyakarta, August 10th, 2020-during lunch break
Do you remember when we sing together out of our breath?
It was long time ago
When we sticked together
Before we choosed to create our own path
I almost play this song today
Like I always did on August
And you’d do the same on September
But, it’s just on our old days
Not today
And never ever again
Yogyakarta, August 3rd, 2020-07.27 p.m.
*) Note : I wrote this poem to remembering my best friend who passed away in the beginning of June 2020. Actually, today is her birthday. Since I miss her a lot, but can’t congratulate her anymore, I decided to write this poem.
Boiling anger
heated in the heart
whether by an injured ego
or just a spark of jealousy
Not only once
and not the first time
“How many times do you have to set a fire and throw me to your flames, till I turn into ashes?“
Yogyakarta, August 2nd, 2020-07.22 a.m.
Should I start my morning with a cup of black coffee that lost its smell, before I set a fire to burn the fog blanket, that wrap my body with coldness?
***
Sleeping pills can’t beat me
no matter how much I can take everyday
a nightmare becomes too real
like I watch it on TV
I try to press pause, skip or stop button
on a remote control
that I hold now
in my hand
But, I’m trembling
A remote control is slipped of my grip
Take it!
Before a monster steal it
and control my steps
to the edge of the hell
Yogyakarta, July 27th, 2020-12.26 p.m.
I’m tired of this warning
that always be doctrine
to steal ‘me’ from myself
In the name of safety, modesty or men’s authority
the laws told me to bow 90 degree
in front of Your Majesty
to protect my dignity
Cause I have no place to stay
Heaven is only for a lovely lady
who doen’t mind to trade her choice
becoming a slave under your feet
so you can’t be dethroned
But, I’m too rebel
Not a good girl who you can handle
So, you have to be with an angel
Cause I’ll back to the hell
except I can win over this battle
Yogyakarta, July 14th, 2020-08.43 a.m.
*) Note : A word ‘pledoi’ comes from Dutch, ‘pleidooi’, which means defense. In law field, pledoi is a term that refers to the last attempt of the defendant or attorney to defend the client’s rights, defend the truth he believes in, according to the evidences that revealed in the court.
The thing that doesn’t exist
then exists
The thing that exists
then doesn’t exist
The thing that never exist
The thing that exists in mortality and eternity
How do you realize its existence?
Yogyakarta, July 11th, 2020-08.29 p.m
The numbers surround
a pair of needle
that always left marks
on every second
it goes by
swallowing ‘yesterday’
at 00.00
and never spit it out
digesting in never ending cycle
to be transformed into ‘tomorrow’
who wears ‘morning’ clothes
and rip off its ‘night’ cloak
Yogyakarta, July 10th, 2020-05.11 p.m.
Tell me how you cast a spell
to make me stand on my feet
and fly across the boundaries
I remember
when you whispered
slowly,
softly,
loudly,
roughly,
then I was looking for my sanity
I woke up
I thought
What kind of magic trick did you play?
Yogyakarta, July 7th, 2020-07.25 p.m
Don’t tell a lie!
Everyone knows,
the scratched truth you told
an angelic face you showed
how you act like a gentleman
Don’t tell a lie!
Everyone knows,
what you hide behind your mask
a devil smile, a devil’s horn
when you thought that you’re successful in trapping an innocent soul
Take off your cloak
Before it wraps you too tight
and you won’t be able to breathe
Take off your crown
Before it sticks too tight
and you’ll find it difficult
to make your head up and straight
Your mask, your cloak, your crown
Why do you have to remind me of my nightmare?
Yogyakarta, May 1st, 2020-03.23 p.m.
When the number shows you the victims,
it’s not like a dark joke of this century
how about the hidden case?
When the number tells you to stay,
missing your normal day
did you realize that you always have a place to come back?
When the number is not only a statistic,
but also a tragedy,
why do I still see the death of humanity?
Yogyakarta, April 14th, 2020-07.29 p.m.
*) Hopefully the Covid-19 pandemic will pass soon. Stay safe and healthy, guys!
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