If someday I meet my fate,
I hope my voice will be louder
Even my body is burried,
my soul would be everywhere :
in a place where you can find comfort,
in a home where it can be your shelter,
from a cruelty of the world
I will sublimate into the letters,
dissolved in sentences
that I write as a testament
before everything is too late to be regretted
April 4th, 2021
For you,
who have gone
who said goodbye
picked up by fate
In your eyes,
an obvious death
In your ears,
the death bell rang
Your name,
is mentioned
in a nostalgia
and prayers
About laugh and tears
about love and pain
that you left
which I took as a lesson
To You,
everything will return
To you,
this poem I hand over to
21/02/2021
*) eulogy (n) : a speech or piece of writing containing high praise of a person or thing
In her head, movie-liked scenes were played with a speed that made her out of breath.
Then, a background turned into an unknown place and I found a girl chased something like her own shadow.
But, the shadow ran too fast till a girl fall and screamed with the lowest voice I’ve ever heard
“Kid, what time is it now?”
*) Lucid (adj.) :1. clearly expressed; easy to understand 2. clear in one’s mind; in control of one’s thoughts
Yogyakarta, September 7th, 2020-05.20 a.m.
Amortentia (1)
Smell of love
Flowing through our gaze
Captured by heart
Turns into a feel
That only us can understand
Amortentia (2)
Oh dear, how to extinguish a fire before I’m in flames?
If I had to burn, would you like to give me splash of water?
Amortentia (3)
How do you put logic over emotion, to distinguish between love and obsession?
Those pretty girls aren’t for collection
unless you’re too easy to fall in love
If it’s just an infatuation, how can you hold it back?
Yogyakarta, August 31st, 2020-05.40 a.m.
Why do I have to put a smile,if all I want is crying?
I won’t run out of tears
cause I keep it for a reason
that you might know or not
except I sell it
for the sake of attention
I regret and thankful of what you’ve created
I hate and love every footstep you’ve left
Never disappeared even though dry and wet months always change
Is forgetting really necessary?
My memory isn’t good enough
to memorize every single A to Z
But, you could force me to remember those pains
with every detail and piece of your act
You taught me to forgive
to make a peace and accept the fact that I should raise the white flag
so you could attack
But, I won’t
For sure
Yogyakarta, August 25th, 2020-03.15 p.m.
*) Note : a white flag is internationally used as a symbol of surrender, truce or request of negotiation.
What’s fairytale?
What’s romance?
I’m in love
and hate to admit
that it might kill me
I fall to stand up
even I try to find a reason to give up
almost make an excuse to suicide
I sleep to wake up
erasing my burden
and escaping from pain
But, this pain doesn’t allow me to sleep
So, I take a pen, think and write,
“What if I never wake up from my bed?”
Yogyakarta, August 16th, 2020-during a heavy rain
Boiling anger
heated in the heart
whether by an injured ego
or just a spark of jealousy
Not only once
and not the first time
“How many times do you have to set a fire and throw me to your flames, till I turn into ashes?“
Yogyakarta, August 2nd, 2020-07.22 a.m.
Should I start my morning with a cup of black coffee that lost its smell, before I set a fire to burn the fog blanket, that wrap my body with coldness?
***
Sleeping pills can’t beat me
no matter how much I can take everyday
a nightmare becomes too real
like I watch it on TV
I try to press pause, skip or stop button
on a remote control
that I hold now
in my hand
But, I’m trembling
A remote control is slipped of my grip
Take it!
Before a monster steal it
and control my steps
to the edge of the hell
Yogyakarta, July 27th, 2020-12.26 p.m.
The thing that doesn’t exist
then exists
The thing that exists
then doesn’t exist
The thing that never exist
The thing that exists in mortality and eternity
How do you realize its existence?
Yogyakarta, July 11th, 2020-08.29 p.m
The numbers surround
a pair of needle
that always left marks
on every second
it goes by
swallowing ‘yesterday’
at 00.00
and never spit it out
digesting in never ending cycle
to be transformed into ‘tomorrow’
who wears ‘morning’ clothes
and rip off its ‘night’ cloak
Yogyakarta, July 10th, 2020-05.11 p.m.
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