Poem | Controlling

photo by Nick Demou from pexels

What’s the meaning behind those numbers?
Does it mean “authority?”
You told me to do “this” and “that”
Claiming it’s the best choice for me
Are you a fortune teller?

Who told you to be that over control?
You want me to have a better life
But, since when you became Mr/Mrs. Know-It-All?

You might be older
But, it’s just a number
Doesn’t mean you know everything
Give me choices, let me decide
instead of forbiding
Tell me your reasons
Cause I’m ready to jump and dive into the ocean

Yogyakarta, March 8th, 2020-10.01 p.m.

Poem | Journey to Grow Up (Part 2)

photo by Andrew Neel from pexels

Even my brain is burnt, my voice disappear or I broke my heart
it can’t be recognized
feel it myself as a part of me
then, what’s your plan?

Will it be my next mistakes?
Would you hold me if I fall?
It’s a big lie if I say that I’m not afraid
cause everything is so dark
so, I need to find a light

I saw you on a higher place
one by one, leave me here
Why does it take time for so long?
Why do I never go anywhere?
Even though I haven’t found a light yet
I prefer make fire rather than curse the darkness

Yogyakarta, March 6th, 2020-06.35 am.

Poem | Journey to Grow Up (Part 1)

Every step I take
Every pain I bring
I don’t know where’s the finish line

Is there any standard I should follow?
If I can make it, will it be alright?
You can say that it’s just like a chicken who try to be an eagle
But, I’ll be both
Gonna fly as high as a sky
and never forget to step my feet on the ground

Every step I take
Every pain I bring
That’s what make me, “me”
The past behind, the obstacle in front
I’m gonna erase the word “give up”

Yogyakarta, March 5th, 2020-05.31 a.m.

Poem | Crossroad

photo by James Wheeler from pexels

I don’t know which path I should follow
How could I know if it was filled with thorns or red roses?
How could I know if I’d met another darkness or light in the end?

I don’t care of what I’ve left behind
Who needs time turner if I can make a change today?
Even a driver doesn’t always look back through rearview mirror
I just need 1 or 2 times to reflect

There’s a sign : left or right
one step ahead or take a step back
Then I’ll choose stop
cause I don’t want to end up with regret on my next destination

Yogyakarta, February 16th, 2020-06.04 a.m.

Short Poem | In-Between

photo by Rafal Naczynski from unsplash

What if I choose nothing?
What if I choose both?
What if I choose to be moderate?
If our lives contain many perspectives,
why we are forced to fit into any extreme?

Yogyakarta, December 25th, 2019-08.45 p.m.

*) Merry Christmas for those who celebrate it. Hope you guys are healthy and happy.

Poem | What’s Growing Up?

photo by Luca Baggio on unsplash

What’s growing up?
Elders told me to change
Told me that I should take care of myself
Arrange my mind
Repair my broken heart and soul

What’s growing up?
Motivator and self-development books told me to step out of the comfort zone
Should I swim across the ocean?
Should I jump from 160-floors building?
I don’t think I need to enter the dangerous zone
cause it already came on my way

What’s growing up?
If my age and mentality don’t match at all
I refuse to be called “little kid”, but my mentality says otherwise

How far the distance between my goals and the place I stand stiil?
My growth became the bridge that connects them
But, I can’t count how far I take a step
cause I don’t care about the distance
I’ll crawl, walk or run, whatever I want
No matter how far

Yogyakarta, December 24th, 2019-06.59 a.m.

Poem | Year End Syndrome

image by Breakingpic from Pexels

My head feels heavier
Is it gain some weigh?
Or do I carry too much numbers?
A stack of data
Analyze and Forecasr
Deadline and presentation

Higher pressure
Suddenly everyone gets fussy
Top manager give pressure to middle manager
Middle manager give pressure to supervisor
Supervisor give pressure to the staffs
Then, who’s the staff putting pressure on?

I nag to myself, “why are you so dumb and weak?”
I push her to the edge
She doesn’t accept it
I’m angry

So, should I press myself to reach a maximum point?

Yogyakarta, November 26th, 2019-08.00 p.m.

Poem | Always Wrong

Image by Johnhain from pixabay

I’ve tried

You dislike

Think that I’m silly

Think I can’t do anything right

It’s okay, I admit it

*

I’ve my priorities

You ruined

Which one should I do first?

Don’t say that I should do all of them at the same time

It’s impossible

*

If I have to sacrifice something,

should I sacrifice my health?

my time?

my happiness?

I don’t care if you think that I’m selfish

Yogyakarta, November 18th, 2019-10.57 p.m.

Poem | Where Should I Go to Escape?

If I can’t write my fate, why would I try so hard?

If there’s no change would happen, why would I still go on process?

If I can’t change the direction, why are there so many ways?

*

I wonder if my compass is broken

Cause I got confused and lost everytime I found the crossroad

What I thought would be the highway, turned out to be a steep, thorny road

What I thought would be my destiny, turned out to be my next mistakes

*

I thought everything was wrong from the start

My regret won’t be able to return the time

I want to change the direction

But, where should I go to escape?

Yogyakarta, November 11th, 2019-08.04 p.m.