Sometimes, I’m kinda jealous of those who are more expressive in their way of speaking and acting. Because it seems like they have no fears about everything. They know the art of “I dont care ’bout shit” and can apply it perfectly.
Sometimes, I’m kinda jealous of those who are more talkative. Because they can lighten up the mood. They never lack something to talk about. That’s why their existences are always be accepted and loved by many people. In every discussion or meeting, they always be heard, even though what they said was non-sense. It’s so contrast to those who are quiet and shy. They are often ignored just because they don’t talk too much and prefer to be a good listeners. We seem more interested to “good speaker” rather than “good listener” because we think that a good speaker is more attractive. Am I wrong?
Yeah, I’m a quiet and shy person. I often feel socially awkward when I have to try to meet and interact with new people. And I’m not a person who can open up and accept new people into my life so easily. Don’t get me wrong! It doesn’t mean I hate them. I just want to know first if those people can make me comfortable around them or not. I just want to know first if those people are kind and trustworthy enough or not. Like I said in my previous post, I’m very sensitive person. Believe it or not, my sensitivity can be so reactive when it comes to “read people”. If I found someone who can make me feel safe and comfortable around, I can be more talkative and expressive in front of them, even though we’re just met for the first time. But, if I couldn’t find someone like that, I can be so quiet, cold and sometimes…afraid of him/her.
So, there’re 3 reasons why I always keep everything to myself. First, because I feel uncomfortable with someone. Second, because I have trouble in finding someone who can be trusted. Third, no one wants to listen and undestand me well.
Have a great day, everyone! Don’t forget to be happy.
*) P.S.: I make small challenge for myself to confess my bad traits through writing and publish it. I do not mean to blame on myself because everyone has their own flaws. I do not mean to seek the attention and sympathy from others because I just want to reflect on myself, so I’ll know what I have to change and what changes I’ve made. If you want to check my previous writing, https://lunaseptalisa.wordpress.com/2019/10/05/glass-heart-confession-part-2/
See you on next parts!